Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Lemons (2012)

James Baxter: Jesus

Quotes 

• Jesus : [the crew are trying to apprehend Jesus]  So you wanna fight, doth thou? Let's have a go then, don't think just because I'm a man of peace I won't punch your teeth out!

  Lister : I'm not fighting you, Jesus! It'll be like punching Gandhi!

• Erin : God is a jealous god. You do that and he won't just get you, you know. According to the second commandment he'll wipe out all your descendants.

  Jesus : Isn't that breaking the 6th commandment - thou shalt not kill?

  Erin : It's not killing, it's genocide. I think that's okay.

• Jesus : [while hiding from Roman centurions]  I must face them, forgive them and teach them the gift of love.

  Cat : And in return, they'll saw off your limbs and stack 'em in a small pile!

• Jesus : If you see my uncle, tell him that I will be in the tavern, drinking wine in great plenty until my legs do the dance of a newly born camel. And then, my mind will turn to dark vile thoughts and I'll start COVETING MY NEIGHBOUR'S OXEN!

  Erin : That's breaking the 10th commandment, that is!