Kyle Kallgren: Oancitizen

Quotes 

• Oancitizen : Would a club catering to homosexual men even HAVE a ladies' restroom?

• Oancitizen : But soft, what light through yonder front porch breaks? It is the east, and the insecure, suicidally depressed misandrist is the overhead light they shine in your eyes when you go to get a cavity filled."

• Oancitizen : After all,

  [menstrual blood] 

  Oancitizen : is the only bodily fluid with some kind of stigma attached to it.

  [takes a sip of milk] 

  Oancitizen : My semen is watery today.

• Oancitizen : Those of you who aren't disgusted by this point... wait ten seconds.

• Rocco : The fragility of female flesh inspires disgust or brutality.

  Oancitizen : And his opinion is that she has cooties.

• Oancitizen : After being exposed to a vagina for presumably the first time in his life since birth, he starts taking an interest in her coochie-snorcher and does things that I can only politely call experimentation. His actions are eerily evocative of what it must have been like for Jane when she first undressed for Tarzan.

• Oancitizen : She catches the gaze of an unnamed man, a gay prostitute who is there to serve as all men, because all men are, have been or will be gay prostitutes at some point in their lives. Personally, I'm trying to find a suitable pimp, but I am working on it.

• Oancitizen : Oh God, they filmed one of my dates.

• Oancitizen : This scene tells us that he is gay because sucked at taking care of a baby bird... I've heard dumber explanations.

• Oancitizen : The female character also has a flashback, this one involving neighborhood boys. Together, they fight playfully as young boys and girls are known to do, when they decide to play doctor. Tastefully, the camera only shows her taking her panties off behind a bush so we're spared the shot of her...

  [shows it, albeit censored for the video] 

  Oancitizen : Oh dear God! Oh God!

• Oancitizen : [as another guy]  Geez dude, that's the 3rd pizza you've had this week, Why do you keep doing it?

  [as himself] 

  Oancitizen : Because I'm a man!

• Oancitizen : So his dick is covered in someone else's blood and this ends his tenure as the woman's... student? Gigolo? Therapist? Gardener? And he does what all men do in scripts written by women: he goes to the bar and brags about the chick he just plowed.