- TV Announcer: [Teen Choice Awards] Your host, Tanktop Gayface!
- Peter Griffin: [after confronting Quagmire] Meg, get in the car, we're going home!
- Meg Griffin: I'm not going home! I'm 18 and you can't tell me what to do anymore!
- Peter Griffin: Meg, I'm only going to say this once. You may be an adult, but you're still my daughter, and it's my job to protect you from arid wieners. So I don't care how old you are, you're gonna do what I say and get in the damn CAR!
- Meg Griffin: [dejected] Yes, daddy.
- Glenn Quagmire: Peter, it's me, Quagmire. This is what I do. Besides, Meg is 18 now, and you've gotta let go. You've done your job. It's my turn now!
- Peter Griffin: Look, Quagmire, you're one of my best pals, and I'm asking you not to do this.
- Glenn Quagmire: I wanna help you, Peter, I really do. But it's-it's like you're askin' a fish not to swim. She's legal and I'm goin' in!
- Peter Griffin: We'll see about that. I'm not afraid to stand up to friends. Just ask Spartacus.
- Meg Griffin: So tell the truth, have you brought other women here before?
- Glenn Quagmire: Honestly, two.
- Meg Griffin: Really?
- Glenn Quagmire: Yep. I brought the ashes of my third-grade teacher, Mrs. Nicholson, and spread them across the lake per her last request.
- Meg Griffin: [swoons] Oh...
- Glenn Quagmire: The other was some skag I met on a dock four miles from here.
- Meg Griffin: What?
- Glenn Quagmire: [makes wrong buzzer sound] Strike four, jelly-jealousun! The other was my sister!
- Meg Griffin, Glenn Quagmire: [both laugh]