- Chris Griffin: Illusions? You wanna talk about illusions? If you die tomorrow, you think we're gonna be devastated, but you know what? We're just gonna go out and buy another dog. And maybe this dog will fetch a stick and bring me my slippers instead of prattling on about the pros and cons of various religions!
- Lois Griffin: What's the use in praying to god if you're just gonna wipe your butt with his answers?