- Tom Haverford: Once a year, Donna and I spend a day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to?
- Donna Meagle: Clothes.
- Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.
- Donna Meagle: Fragrances.
- Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.
- Donna Meagle: Massages.
- Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.
- Donna Meagle: Mimosas.
- Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.
- Donna Meagle: Fine leather goods.
- Tom Haverford: Treat yoself!
- Donna Meagle: It's the best day of the year.
- Tom Haverford, Donna Meagle: The best day of the year!
- Leslie Knope: Hey Ron, whose club do you think is better: yours or mine? The answer is mine. Say mine is better.
- Ron Swanson: It's not a competition.
- Leslie Knope: Oh, but it is! Your club made it a competition when they kept girls out.
- Leslie Knope: [in Southern accent] Oh my stars, I'm just a little lady. My fragile constitution can not handle the fearsome outdoors.
- Ron Swanson: I have no problem with strong women, Leslie.
- Leslie Knope: [accent continues] Who's "Leslie"? My name is Annabelle van der Graaf, and... y'all... I just fall to pieces when the sun shines on my hair.
- Leslie Knope: Okay, so what did everyone make for their loosely-structured craft time? Lauren?
- Lauren: I made a Gertrude stein!
- [holds up stein with Gertrude's face on it]
- Leslie Knope: [applauding] Amazing! Lauren, that's so good! I really wouldn't want to follow that.
- [pause]
- Leslie Knope: Ann?
- Ann Perkins: Oh, boy. Umm, I... was making some corn husk dolls for everyone, but they... kinda turned out wrong so they look like monsters.
- [holds up grotesque doll]
- Ann Perkins: [long, awkward pause] I'm sorry. I'm just gonna...
- [walks across cabin]
- Ann Perkins: put that... over there... in the... fire.
- [throws doll into fire]
- Ann Perkins: Well, Ann's keeping us warm, and that's important. April,
- [strums guitar]
- Ann Perkins: what was your craft?
- Ann Perkins: I drew something on my arm. It's a pioneer watching her grandmother get trampled by a buffalo.
- [girls crowd around, impressed]
- Ann Perkins: Yeah, this is all the blood coming out of her face...
- Leslie Knope: I've taught them too well. I've created a mob of little Leslie Knope monsters. I'm so proud, and a little annoyed. But mostly proud. 70/30.