- Willie Jones: You ever heard somebody say thank God it's saturday? No! 'Cuz the end of the week is friday! Now, get your behind out the bed before I TGIF you up!
- Craig Jones: I'm allergic.
- Big Mary: Ooh, to what?
- Smokey: To you! C'mon, you're blocking the sun. Looking like Shaq in drag.
- Judge: Do you have any evidence?
- Attorney: Lots!
- Judge: Such as...?
- Attorney: [Pointing at Craig because he's a black male] Look at him!
- Smokey: So, what you wanna do today?
- Craig Jones: Look for a job. Where have you been the last 20 minutes?
- Smokey: Here.
- Craig Jones: Are you high?
- Smokey: I refuse to answer that question on the grounds where I'm - What was that question again?