- The vampires endure the private school admissions interview process.
- Laszlo tries to enroll Colin into Sean's alma mater, and hilarity ensues when Sean brings over his headmaster for an interview, and the vampires can't decide who will be Colin's parents. Meanwhile, the crew finds out that Guillermo has been embezzling from Nadja's club.—Gislef
- At the residence, Nandor wakes up from his coffin and calls to Guillermo. A young Colin has donned Nandor's metal knight's helm and startles the vampire, then runs off but slams into a wall. The vampires can't get a good night's slumber with Colin running around, Laszlo doesn't see the problem, despite the complaints of Nadja and Nandor. Guillermo chases Colin around as the boy spreads chaos.
Guillermo talks to Laszlo and figures that Colin needs to go to school, so he can burn off some of his energy and be around normal kids. Laszlo doesn't agree and Nandor suggests they send Colin to a performing arts school, and Nadja notices that Nandor looks younger and thinks he's had a haircut. Nandor would rather focus on Colin. Guillermo says that public schools are fine, and the nightclub isn't making as much money as Nadja thinks. Laszlo wants Nandor to use the djinn to clean up the place, but Nandor doesn't want to waste his wishes. The djinn asks Nandor if he's satisfied with the results of his last wish, removing the wrinkles around Nandor's eyes.
At the club, Colin is performing while Laszlo accompanies him. Colin runs off stage and talks to some children, who say they're 143 old vampires. Laszlo leads Colin back on stage, and later meets with the vampires and says that it might be good for Colin to be among other presents.
The vampires go through the brochures for schools that Guillermo has brought them. Sean brings Colin and complains to Laszlo that Colin made his way over to his house again, and is knocking holes in the drywall with a ballpeen hammer. The neighbor notices the flyers for Helen Country Day School, says that he's a grad, and can help them get Colin in. Laszlo immediately agrees to send Colin there.
Everybody prepares for the headmaster to visit, and the vampires dress up as "normal" humans. Sean brings Headmaster Warren in, and Laszlo introduces Colin. Colin says that he's smart and can sing and dance. The vampires usher Colin away and sit down with Warren, and he asks who Colin's parents are. Nadja hypnotizes Warren and Sean unconscious so they can discuss the situation, and Nandor agrees to be the father. Nadja wakes up the guests again, and Nandor and Nadja say that they Colin's parents.
Warren asks how Colin is, and Nadja and Nandor can't agree. Nadja hypnotizes Sean and Warren again so they can discuss why they're all staying, and then Nadja revives the couple and says that they think of everyone as family. Sean points out that Nadja is with Nandor now instead of Laszlo, and she hypnotizes them again and Nadja points out that Sean already knows Laszlo is married to her. They swap places again and Nandor becomes the groundskeeper, while Laszlo sits with Nadja.
Nadja explains that they adopted Colin, then hypnotizes the visitors again and complains that they're too normal a family, and Colin has a better chance of getting into the school if they're more abnormal. They decide to be a gay couple, with Nandor taking over as Laszlo's spouse. Laszlo goes on about how he reamed Nandor every night, and after knocking out the visitors, Guillermo tells Laszlo to just hold hands with Nandor and act normal. Warren asks about Colin, and Guillermo steps in and says that Colin is bright and energetic. Another round of hypnosis, and Nadja complains about how Guillermo is making them look bad, and Guillermo becomes a single parent while Nandor offers snacks. Even Warren notices Nandor's new appearance, and when Nandor says he has allergies, the headmaster says that there's an allergist whose son goes to the school and his wife is an actress.
Nadja hypnotizes the visitors again and figures Warren is a "starfucker", and wants to find a celebrity to impress the headmaster. Two hours later, they bring in Sal Vulcano and say he's Colin's father. Sean doesn't recognize Nandor because of the latter's new look, and Warren tries to work out who the parents are. Nadja hypnotizes Warren and Sean, and when Sal doesn't get the "joke" they brought him in to help with, Laszlo snaps his neck. Guillermo suggests they hypnotize Warren into accepting Colin, but Nadja figures they should stick to the plan.
They bring Warren and Sean out of it, and this time they have Sean as Colin's father. Then they bring in Nadja Doll as the mother, and Warren and Laszlo as the parents, and then try Laszlo and Nandor again. They keep trying different combinations, until Warren and Sean get headaches from all the hypnosis and Warren asks for Colin's transcripts. Guillermo says that he'll have them sent to the school.
Later in the Bronx, Guillermo goes to a park and pays a man for a fake transcript. He goes to his family's home, and gives his mother the cash he's been embezzling from the club. The crew follows him and when he sees them, he goes over and slips them a bribe to keep quiet about his activities
That night, the vampires take Colin to the community center so he can play basketball with other kids. It turns out Colin didn't get accepted at the school, after Warren died of a stroke because he was hypnotized too much. So they didn't have to through it all again, they enrolled Colin in every community sports team they could think of. Plus, now he's too tired to cause trouble at the residence.
Nandor realizes he got rid of his wrinkles because of Marwa, not for himself, and has the djinn reverse the wish's effects.
Guillermo turns the club's take over to Nadja. Once he leaves, she hides away some of the money and tells the crew, she'll kill them and their families.
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