- Jon Malkovich: You see, the bullet entered through the left eye socket, and rick-shaded through the brain, killing the victim almost instantly.
- Jon Malkovich: Why me? It's not like I'm Brad Pitt.
- Sarah Chambers: That's okay, I'm not exactly Angelina Jolie either.
- Chris Baker: What are you doing mate? She's giving you the 'ole come on!
- Jon Malkovich: I know, but she's got a kid. A kid means an ex and an ex means trouble.
- Chris Baker: Fuck it, forget him! Just got for it! I can't believe you. One signed tit and a potential date with a milf all in the same day you jammy bastard!
- Jon Malkovich: Dunno if I can be anymore embarrassed. Sorry...
- Chris Baker: Oh no, you could. See that fella over there? He could come over to you and ask you to sign his cock!
- Alex Chambers: Aw mum, guys from Star Wars. Can we get a photo with them?
- Sarah Chambers: Hang on sweetheart, I think they've got their hands full