How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Disaster Averted (2011)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : [Ted tries to convince the gang to leave New York ahead of Hurricane Irene]  Guys, luckily you're friends with a former Boy Scout, who is always...

  Robin Scherbatsky : Unpopular.

  Lily Aldrin : Beaten up.

  Barney Stinson : Going to movies with his mom.

  Ted Mosby : ...A Boy Scout is always prepared...

  Robin Scherbatsky : Prepared to spend lunch in his locker.

  Marshall Eriksen : Prepared to die a virgin.

  Barney Stinson : Prepared to paint his sister's nails...

  Ted Mosby : ...Prepared for emergencies. That's why a week ago, when Irene was a tropical depression...

  Robin Scherbatsky : You're a tropical depression.

• Barney Stinson : [about the ducky tie]  Please let me take it off!

  Lily Aldrin : No.

  Barney Stinson : Five thousand dollars!

  Lily Aldrin : No.

  Kevin : Is he serious?

  Barney Stinson : Ten thousand dollars!

  Lily Aldrin : No.

  Kevin : Dude, just take the money.

  Barney Stinson : Twenty thousand dollars!

  Marshall Eriksen : No.

  Kevin : Yes!

  Barney Stinson : I'll let you slap me in the face as hard as you can!

  Marshall Eriksen : You have my attention.

• Barney Stinson : [to Ted]  Wow. It's come to this - you could help a friend, but instead you're choosing the hot girl in the tight tank top...

  [Happily] 

  Barney Stinson : You're training is complete! I'm so proud of this kid! But seriously, storm's coming in so dump the hoochy and wheel's up!

• Barney Stinson : [after Barney agrees to new arrangements, Barney removes the Ducky tie]  I'm free. God, this feels so good! I - I

  [Barney notices Marshall stretching and preparing to slap] 

  Barney Stinson : This was a mistake. I want to put the tie back on. I want to put the tie back on! Why do I have to be Barney Stinson now?

  [Marshall slaps Barney] 

  Lily Aldrin : Three slaps remaining!

  Marshall Eriksen : Three slaps. Wow, I like the sound of that. I think I'll save those bad boys. You know, for a rainy day.

  Barney Stinson : Okay, the worst is over.

  [Marshall slaps Barney again] 

  Lily Aldrin : Two slaps remaining!

  Marshall Eriksen : It's all right. It's all done - for now.

  Barney Stinson : I think I have to go home now and re-evaluate how I make life decisions.

• Maya : If she's

  [Referring to Lily] 

  Maya : going, then I'm not going!

  Ted Mosby : Lily, you're staying. Let's go!

  Marshall Eriksen : If Lily's staying, then I'm staying!

  Lily Aldrin : Then I'm going!

  Marshall Eriksen : Then I'm going!

  Barney Stinson : You can't go Marshall 'cause I'm going!

  Robin Scherbatsky : If Barney's going, then I'm not going!

  Marshall Eriksen : Then I can go!

  Lily Aldrin : Then I'm staying!

  Marshall Eriksen : Then I'm staying!

  Lily Aldrin : Then I'm going!

  Maya : Then I'm not going!

  Ted Mosby : You know what? I'm GOING!

• Barney Stinson : Just let me take off the tie! PLEASE! I have to wear this at work! Do you have any idea whats that's like

  [cut do Barney in a business meeting sitting low in his chair so no one can see his tie] 

  Barney Stinson : Please can I take it off?

  Marshall Eriksen : You... may... not. With a "k". Little tie pun.

  Barney Stinson : This is far from over.

  [dramatic music starts] 

  Barney Stinson : You have a price Eriksen, and I will find it. When the end of day is nigh, I'll have taken off this tie. I'm gonna like the way I look; I guarantee it.

  Kevin : [Dramatic music cuts]  So, boogie boarding?

• Barney Stinson : If you didn't have that slap left; say I were to get you to slap me tonight; I suppose that would change everything.

  [Dramatic music starts again] 

  Marshall Eriksen : I suppose it would.

  Barney Stinson : [Speaking French]  Le jeu commence - "The game begins"

  Marshall Eriksen : Je m'appelle Marshall

  [My name is Marshall] 

  Kevin : [Dramatic music cuts again]  So, boogie-boarding?

• Marshall Eriksen : [about Barney]  I just wanna slap him so bad. But that tie is so stupid. But the slap would feel so good. But he hates that tie so much

  Kevin : Perhaps I can help. Marshall, ask yourself this question: why today? He hasn't said anything about that tie for weeks; yet suddenly, today, he can't wear it another second? No, there's a reason.

  [to Barney] 

  Kevin : You've got something coming up; something where you're on display, vulnerable, exposed. It's not work related, no, this is relationship stuff; you're trying to impress someone. In the lie you told you said you were being chased by two goons, so it's two people; a couple, perhaps? You're meeting Nora's parents tomorrow!

  Barney Stinson : WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It's in two days and I really want them to like me!

  Ted Mosby : Oh-ho, therapisted

  [High fives Kevin] 

  Ted Mosby : . Shrinked? Shrunk? We'll figure it out.