How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Disaster Averted (2011)

Kal Penn: Kevin

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : [about the ducky tie]  Please let me take it off!

  Lily Aldrin : No.

  Barney Stinson : Five thousand dollars!

  Lily Aldrin : No.

  Kevin : Is he serious?

  Barney Stinson : Ten thousand dollars!

  Lily Aldrin : No.

  Kevin : Dude, just take the money.

  Barney Stinson : Twenty thousand dollars!

  Marshall Eriksen : No.

  Kevin : Yes!

  Barney Stinson : I'll let you slap me in the face as hard as you can!

  Marshall Eriksen : You have my attention.

• Narrator : Kids, you haven't truly lived until somewhere, somebody puts a sign up because of something you did. For instance...

  Kevin : [At MacLaren's]  You guys seen that sign out front that says "Absolutely no boogie boarding"

  [gang uh-huh knowledgeably] 

  Kevin : What's that all about?

  Ted Mosby : Oh, that's a great story, you got time for it?

  Kevin : [Checks his watch]  Well, I'm supposed to go to my mom's birthday party, so please make it as long as you can.

• Barney Stinson : Just let me take off the tie! PLEASE! I have to wear this at work! Do you have any idea whats that's like

  [cut do Barney in a business meeting sitting low in his chair so no one can see his tie] 

  Barney Stinson : Please can I take it off?

  Marshall Eriksen : You... may... not. With a "k". Little tie pun.

  Barney Stinson : This is far from over.

  [dramatic music starts] 

  Barney Stinson : You have a price Eriksen, and I will find it. When the end of day is nigh, I'll have taken off this tie. I'm gonna like the way I look; I guarantee it.

  Kevin : [Dramatic music cuts]  So, boogie boarding?

• Barney Stinson : If you didn't have that slap left; say I were to get you to slap me tonight; I suppose that would change everything.

  [Dramatic music starts again] 

  Marshall Eriksen : I suppose it would.

  Barney Stinson : [Speaking French]  Le jeu commence - "The game begins"

  Marshall Eriksen : Je m'appelle Marshall

  [My name is Marshall] 

  Kevin : [Dramatic music cuts again]  So, boogie-boarding?

• Marshall Eriksen : [about Barney]  I just wanna slap him so bad. But that tie is so stupid. But the slap would feel so good. But he hates that tie so much

  Kevin : Perhaps I can help. Marshall, ask yourself this question: why today? He hasn't said anything about that tie for weeks; yet suddenly, today, he can't wear it another second? No, there's a reason.

  [to Barney] 

  Kevin : You've got something coming up; something where you're on display, vulnerable, exposed. It's not work related, no, this is relationship stuff; you're trying to impress someone. In the lie you told you said you were being chased by two goons, so it's two people; a couple, perhaps? You're meeting Nora's parents tomorrow!

  Barney Stinson : WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It's in two days and I really want them to like me!

  Ted Mosby : Oh-ho, therapisted

  [High fives Kevin] 

  Ted Mosby : . Shrinked? Shrunk? We'll figure it out.