Grand Theft Auto V (2013 Video Game)

Matthew Maher: Wade Hebert

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wade Herbert : There's two Michael Townleys living in LS. One is 83 and the other is in kindergarten. I asked the teacher to put him on the phone just to be safe. She threatened to call the cops. I ain't no molester, Trevor.

  Trevor Philips : Shut up before I molest you, alright.

• Wade Herbert : Floyd, it's me. Wade.

  Floyd Herbert : Who?

  Wade Herbert : Me, Wade. Your cousin.

  Floyd Herbert : Who?

  Trevor Philips : [kicks open the door, knocking Floyd down]  Your cousin! Fuck. He's come to visit you, you rude fuck. Now get up off the floor and fix me a fucking drink.

• Wade Herbert : I looked through the phone directory, and I did find a Michael De Santa. About the right age, married with two kids.

  Trevor Philips : What's his wife's name?

  Wade Herbert : Amanda.

  Trevor Philips : Amanda? You're a genius, you moron. Come on, come here.

  [offers his hand to help Wade up, only to punch him down again] 

  Trevor Philips : Don't you ever not tell me things I wanna know!

• Wade Herbert : Are we nearly there yet?

  Trevor Philips : No, Wade.

  Wade Herbert : Are nearly NEARLY there?

  Trevor Philips : You keep this up, you're not gonna get there at all.

• Trevor Philips : Who is this guy using my dead friend's tired-ass movie quotes with my dead friend's alias? And my dead friend's family? In a house that must have been paid for by my dead friend's stashed millions?

  Wade Herbert : Wow, that's a real mind fuck.

  Trevor Philips : Yeah, I'll show you a fucking mind fuck. I'm gonna stick my boy in your eye, it's gonna come out your ear!

  Wade Herbert : I-I-I didn't mean anything by that, T... T-Trevor.

  Trevor Philips : Lube up your eye hole, fucker, 'cause I'm gonna fuck your tiny mind! I'm about ready to turn you into roadkill!

  Wade Herbert : Please, don't turn me into anything. I just wanna be Wade.

• Trevor Philips : So, we ready to go on this?

  Wade Herbert : Yep, although Floyd don't think it's a good idea meetin' at the condo...

  Trevor Philips : Tell Floyd it's a great idea to meet at the condo, and tell him we'll need chips and dip and prostitutes.

• Wade Herbert : I heard lot's of bangin', and screamin', but not the nice kind.

• Trevor Philips : How about this? I'll tell you a story if you promise never to speak again.

  Wade Herbert : I like stories.

  Trevor Philips : Of course you do. This story is about a boy named Tre... Tr... er, Trisha.

  Wade Herbert : Is Trisha a boy's name?

  Trevor Philips : It doesn't matter.

  Wade Herbert : Sounds weird.

  Trevor Philips : He was weird. He was the smartest, toughest, weirdest kid in Canada. Well, in the Canadian border region of America.

• Floyd Herbert : And Trevor. Trevor is a...

  Trevor Philips : Trevor is a what?

  Wade Herbert : Trevor is... a good guy.

• Trevor Philips : This boy, he had all the talent, charisma and guile that a boy could have, but he didn't know what to do with it.

  Wade Herbert : He should become a baseball player.

  Trevor Philips : No, he shouldn't, because he's not a fucking sell-out idiot.

  Wade Herbert : Or a hockey player.

  Trevor Philips : He did for a while, but his coach accidentally had a stick jammed up his ass.

• Trevor Philips : And her persuaded our hero that maybe he should rob people too. And you know what? Little Trisha did rob people. And little Trisha was good at it.

  Wade Herbert : And they lived happily ever after?

  Trevor Philips : For a while, until the troll met a another troll in a strip club, and they fell in lust. And he bought her a pair of fake troll tits, even bigger than his real troll tits.

• Trevor Philips : And just then, just when he hit rock bottom, he met a fat, silver-tongued troll under a bridge.

  Wade Herbert : That's cool. What was the troll's name?

  Trevor Philips : Mike... Michele.

  Wade Herbert : A lady troll?

  Trevor Philips : He had tits like one, but no, he was a boy.

  Wade Herbert : Michele is a funny name for a boy.

  Trevor Philips : This was a funny boy.