Grand Theft Auto V (2013 Video Game)
Lazlow: Lazlow Jones, Fame or Shame Host
Quotes
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Lazlow Jones : Who are these clowns?
Tracey De Santa : That's my dad and... Trevor?
Lazlow Jones : Two dads. Very San Andreas.
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Lazlow Jones : I gots my and I busted a nut.
Michele Makes : Please don't use that blaccent again.
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Lazlow Jones : Shake what your daddies gave you.
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Caller : Hey, uh, big fan of the show, but I had a question: what's the, uh, what's the deal with Mars?
Lazlow Jones : Well it is the fourth planet from the sun, and its reddish hue is from iron oxide. This is your space moment of Chattersphere.
Caller : I mean, why do we have a dunebuggy up there? I don't even have a dunebuggy. Mars is bullshit.
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Lazlow Jones : Tracey is a "dancer", but she also likes acting, modeling and working with children. That's... that's beautiful. You're so original, like a basket full of puppies or a rainbow or a pile of puke.
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Lazlow Jones : Please don't kill me, okay? I'm supposed to be on a magazine cover next week.
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Lazlow Jones : And you, you're not even being fair.
Michele Makes : Fair is you calling me a bitch?
Lazlow Jones : That was once.
Michele Makes : Or stealing my jokes?
Lazlow Jones : That was twice.
Michele Makes : Or interrupting me...
Lazlow Jones : I don't interrupt you!
Michele Makes : There, you just did it again!
Lazlow Jones : I know. It was a joke!
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Lazlow Jones : Don't get me wrong. America's a great land. It proves you can conquer anything with booze and Syphillus, and I've had both.
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Michele Makes : And now Los Santos is nothing but coffee shops, banks and pharmacies. So cultured.
Lazlow Jones : So we had to wipe out a few people. I need a Bean Machine coffee! I'm stressed.
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Brother Adrian : You seem like you are in prison.
Lazlow Jones : I couldn't agree more.
Brother Adrian : And you know who the warden is, Lazlow?
Lazlow Jones : Yeah, it's Michelle.
Brother Adrian : No, my child, it's you.
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Brother Adrian : Yes, mock. Yes, deride. Yes, call me a whackjob.
Lazlow Jones : You're a whackjob.
Brother Adrian : Call me a cultist.
Lazlow Jones : You're a cultist.
Brother Adrian : Call me a pervert.
Lazlow Jones : You're a pervert.
Brother Adrian : Alright. I'm happy, you're miserable.
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Lazlow Jones : Why do people that quit doing stuff always have to tell everyone else? I quit typing in "granny wants it bad" into search engines, and I didn't need any program to tell me to stop that. It just took my mom walking in on me in my 31st birthday.