Grand Theft Auto V (2013 Video Game)

David Mogentale: Nervous Ron Jakowski, Ronald Jakowski

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Quotes 

• Nervous Ron Jakowski : You see, my buddy, my friend, my mentor and my new life... We'll just call him Philip. Philip Trevors. Yes, his name's Philip. When my friend Trevor, uhh, my friend Philip... he's such a guy, a man. I really wanna get him on my show but man, he doesn't want to. Even left his message.

  Trevor Philips : Ron. Ron, you there? You better not put me on your show you fucking prick or I will drink the blood from your still pumping veins!

• Nervous Ron Jakowski : And when I was growing up, we had nine planets. Now it's eight. Where did the other one go? I mean, that is some shit! When you can be the government, you can make a planet disappear. Where did they put it? And who's living there?

• Nervous Ron Jakowski : Come in, come in.

  Trevor Philips : I'll come in your ear when I get my hands on you.

• Nervous Ron Jakowski : Next message left on the line was from this guy...

  Caller 2 : Hey... I really like watching people die...

  Nervous Ron Jakowski : Thanks for calling.

• Caller : Yeah, I did like you said on last the show. I've been doing them prepper kegel exercises so I can store rations in my ass once the abduction comes, because we all know that in the prisons of Lord Zapho only the truly prepared will survive. At this particular juncture, in my ass, I got a pound of rice, two energy bars, a commemorative plate, a tiny saw, a deck of cards, an itty-bitty radio, some loose change, a prophylactic, a masonry bit, a first aid kit, a nudie magazine, a carton of cigarettes, some chewing tobacco, a copy of my medical records and a mammogram pillow - 'cause I'll be damned if I'm gonna sleep on the cold hard cell floor.

  Nervous Ron Jakowski : That's great work!

• Trevor Philips : I don't know what all these naysayers are talking about. I'm cranked out on speed most of the time, but I am productivity personified.

  Nervous Ron Jakowski : You sure accomplished a lot today, Trevor.

• Nervous Ron Jakowski : Trust me, it's all part of a Judeo-Christian-Muslim plot to make their religions seem overly important.