House M.D. (TV Series)

The C Word (2012)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. James Wilson : [House ran out of Vicodin and is in pain from helping Wilson all night]  I thought you said you had plenty of Vicodin?

  Dr. Gregory House : Everybody lies.

  Dr. James Wilson : So the way I felt... You feel that what? Most of the time? Really does suck being you, doesn't it?

  Dr. Gregory House : At least I don't have cancer.

• Dr. James Wilson : Go away. I have a headache.

  Dr. Gregory House : We don't have to have sex. Sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk.

• Dr. James Wilson : [to House]  If things go wrong, I just want you to know...

  Dr. Gregory House : If you're gonna say that you've always been secretly gay for me, everyone always just kind of assumed it.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Wilson]  You don't want a second opinion. You're already on your fifth. You got Evans at Mercy, Shaw at County, Foster at Johns Hopkins. And every one of them has given you the same advice. You're nuts. You don't just want chemo. You want a dose so high, there's a one-in-three chance it'll kill you outright. Question is, why didn't you tell me? Because you knew I'd stop you. Which means you've already found someone insane enough or desperate enough to give you what amounts to a death dose of chemicals, but who would be that stupid? I'm thinking that the who is you.

• Dr. James Wilson : [to House]  I seem to recall, I said some things to you...

  Dr. Gregory House : You talked a lot. I stopped listening after you confessed your fear of dolphins. Can we just tone down the bromance a few notches? My leg is killing me.

• Dr. James Wilson : Why me? I'm always telling my patients not to torture themselves because there's no answer.

  Dr. Gregory House : Sound advice.

  Dr. James Wilson : It's cruel advice. They were just trying to make sense of what was happening to them and I'm there telling them not to bother? I should have spent my life being more like you. Should have been a manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic ass who brought misery to everything and everyone in his life.

  Dr. Gregory House : You'd still have cancer.

  Dr. James Wilson : Yeah, but at least I'd feel like I deserved it.

• Dr. Gregory House : To stupidity. Mm, not quite done. To muscle aches, spasms. To your joints feeling like they're being ripped out and replaced with shards of broken glass.

  Dr. James Wilson : Should I be writing any of this down?

  Dr. Gregory House : Your stomach fills with bile. When you vomit, it feels like someone's forcing a white-hot hammer down your esophagus, tearing your flesh. Blood's dripping down the back of your throat, choking and gagging you with the slick, coppery taste of burnt pennies.

  Dr. James Wilson : I am an Oncologist. I know

  Dr. Gregory House : If you did, we wouldn't be sitting here. Day two: Your white blood cells are gone, opening up your system to attack. Your temperature skyrockets. One second, your skin feels like it's on fire. The next second, it's entombed in ice. Every pain sensor in your body is firing at the same time until agony isn't even a word or a concept it's your only reality. You hallucinate. You dream of death. And then the race begins. Can your body claw its way back in time before the hostile organisms and parasites claim you permanently? Win, you live. Lose, you die. Now, what are we doing here, Wilson?

• Dr. Michael A. Kondo : [to Wilson]  The tumor's spread to the surrounding tissue. We're gonna have to shrink it before we remove it surgically.

  Dr. James Wilson : I'm more interested in exactly how you plan to do that, Mike.

  Dr. Michael A. Kondo : We start conservative. Daily radiation treatments for three weeks. And, if it doesn't shrink enough after that, we'll add the chemo...

  Dr. James Wilson : And if it hasn't shrunk enough after that, I'm dead.

  Dr. Michael A. Kondo : Look, you have over a 75% chance that the radiation alone is enough. Relax. Caught this in time.

  Dr. James Wilson : Catching it in time would have been before it invaded the tissue around my thymus. I want the radiation and the chemo concurrently.

  Dr. Michael A. Kondo : Why stress your immune system unnecessarily? Let's just go with my plan, okay? The radiation first...

  Dr. James Wilson : [as he gets up]  I'm gonna get a second opinion.

  Dr. Michael A. Kondo : Are you serious? Look, I've seen you recommend this exact treatment dozens of times.

  Dr. James Wilson : We're done here. I'll look for a doctor with some actual balls.

  [House also gets up and starts to follow Wilson out the door, but Dr. Kondo stops him] 

  Dr. Michael A. Kondo : [to House]  Hey, you need to talk to your friend. He's embarrassing himself. A doctor should be able to handle his own illness with a little bit more dignity.

  Dr. Gregory House : I agree with Wilson.

  Dr. Michael A. Kondo : My recommended treatment is sound.

  Dr. Gregory House : No, I meant about the ball-less part. Explains the office.

  [leaves the office] 

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Wilson]  Now that you're sufficiently buzzed, what was the reason behind you freaking out on Kondo? Are you scared? In denial?

  Dr. James Wilson : I know you get confused any time someone thinks that you're wrong, but it's not considered freaking out for a patient to ask for a second opinion.

  Dr. Gregory House : Okay, well, here it is. Kondo is right. You should be in radiology right now.

  Dr. James Wilson : Well done. You've kept your word for almost...

  [looks at his watch] 

  Dr. James Wilson : two hours.

  Dr. Gregory House : Every day you wait, our pal Toomie is growing larger in your chest. If you want to live, stop screwing around and do something about it.

  Dr. James Wilson : Good idea. I think I'll start with spending spring break on my own.