- Conker: [after warping to Legend of Zelda NES world with blood splatter spots on the ground and transforming back into a squirrel] Ugh. My head, it hurts. Where am I? This place looks like another shitty location from a fantasy game in 8-bit no less! How did I end up here in the first place? I don't remember Rare making a retro game like this!
- Narrator: [Opening Scene from Star Wars reference text scrolling effect] A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away... .
- Narrator: Episode XCVII A Link Beyond Time and Space. It is a chaotic period in time. After having to watch his wife painfully die under disastrous circumstances and avoided being turned into a side table leg, an alcoholic squirrel named Conker still managed to become a crowned king!
- Narrator: He had a somewhat unsuccessful tenure as a king. He spent all the treasury money on beer, parties and hookers and eventually was thrown into prison... faced with the prospect of execution.
- Narrator: On the day his sentence was due, an event of incalculable proportions happened and freed him from his shackles...
- Narrator: A certain time traveller called The Doctor had done the irreversible!
- Narrator: His spaceship has exploded and as a result it created a rift beyond alternate realities.
- Narrator: Pursued by a wide variety of enemies from other worlds, Conker races through the rift in A New Hope to change his fate and also restore freedom to the Parallel Universes!
- Leon: [Conker wakes up from bed as a human boy with the doctor Leon in the bedroom] So you wake up at last Neo.
- Conker: That isn't my name! I don't even know you people! You kidnapped me! Why are you doing this to me?
- Leon: We know who you are. What you are.
- Conker: I don't know what you're talking about!
- Leon: It seems that you've been living two lives. One life, you're Conker, an assassin. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias Neo and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now Mr. Conker.
- Conker: What do you want from me?
- Leon: For you to do as you're told. Meet my twin brother outside and he will give you more details.
- [Leon walks out of the bedroom and Conker gets out of bed]
- Conker: Whoa... Where am I?
- Noel: Welcome to the Abstergo Cryo Labs!
- Conker: Which is...?
- Noel: Our company explores the genetic memories of our ancestors using a machine we call the Animus!
- Conker: Hum... Genetic memories?
- Noel: What if I told you the human body not only housed an individual's memories but the memories of his ancestors as well? Genetic memory, if you will.
- Conker: Rrr-right!
- Noel: Our DNA functions as an archive. It contains not only genetic instructions passed down from previous generations, but memories as well.
- Conker: And the Animus lets you decode and read these DNA files?
- Noel: Precisely.
- Conker: So now I suppose you want me to step into the Animus?
- Noel: Exactly. It's the machine located on your left!
- Conker: A machine? All that I see are black tiles on the ground!
- Noel: I... .Ahh... Yes, Almost forgot! That goddamn Seph ran out of tiles while building our worlds!
- Conker: Ahh... Who the fuck is Seph?
- Noel: The almighty creator of all things that were, that are and will be! But for now focus on your mission!