- James Cameron: James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does, for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is... James Cameron.
- Eric Cartman: Hum. Can't... can't seem to get inside your bathroom, Kyle.
- [repeatedly ramming his new scooter chair into the door entrance]
- Kyle: What?
- Eric Cartman: Yeah, no. This is a problem, Kyle. You gotta make your bathroom accessible for my mobility scooter or else I won't be able to take a shit in your house.
- Kyle: So take a shit somewhere else!
- Eric Cartman: That's not the way this country works, Kyle. Your bathroom has to meet the code for my mobility scooter; it's the law.
- Eric Cartman: I'm fucking fat, Kyle. I'm fat as fucking fuck.
- Token: I'm trying to make compelling television, Kyle.
- Kyle: You got Randy Newman to do the theme song; you're not trying that hard!
- Randy Newman: I don't want anyone raisin' the bar 'cause nobody will hire me.
- June Shannon: I just hope when she does pageants, the judges don't take away points 'cause she's got a pig heart. Honey Boo Boo... Honey Boo Boo!
- Alana (Honey Boo Boo) Thompson: What?
- June Shannon: What you gonna tell them judges if they ask you about your heart?
- Alana (Honey Boo Boo) Thompson: I'm gonna tell 'em, "My heart is sweeter than bacon, child."