The Middle (TV Series)
The Map (2012)
Neil Flynn: Mike Heck
Photos
Quotes
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Frankie Heck : Look, Aunt Ginny lived a long, full life and she died in her sleep. I think we can all take comfort in that.
Brick Heck : How is that comforting? I sleep every night. I'd be more comforted if she died in a hang gliding accident.
Mike Heck : No, in your sleep is what you're shooting for. You just close your eyes and never wake up. You never even know.
Brick Heck : You never even know?
Frankie Heck : The point is she looked good.
Mike Heck : She really did.
Frankie Heck : And she's in a beautiful spot.
Sue Heck : She really is.
Axl Heck : Well, I'm never ending up in a place like that, I'll tell you that right now.
Mike Heck : If you figure out how to avoid it, let us know.
Axl Heck : I already did. I'm gonna be frozen.
Frankie Heck : You're gonna be frozen?
Sue Heck : Ew, Axl!
Axl Heck : Relax. Not my whole body. I'm just gonna freeze my head.
Mike Heck : You're not freezing your head.
Axl Heck : What? Think about it. I'm pretty awesome. If I go, the world's gonna want me back. So, I'll just freeze my head, and then when they come up with a cure for whatever I died of, they'll unfreeze me.
Sue Heck : That's creepy. How can you be sure your head will ever get put back on your right body?
Axl Heck : If I were you, I'd want my head to be put on somebody else's body.
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Axl Heck : Okay, here are my top picks of the bereavement food. Lemon bars are wicked good. Macaroni salad was a solid "6". But whoever brought the giant cookie - ugh. It was nasty. Ugh.
Brick Heck : Axl! That wasn't a cookie. That was my Indiana dough map project for school.
Mike Heck : Damn it, Axl. You ate your brother's project?
Axl Heck : Well, why'd he put it on the counter with the bereavement food?
Brick Heck : I didn't. I put it on the counter and people put the bereavement food around it.
Axl Heck : Pfft. Whatever. I think I did you a favor, anyway. It needed sugar.
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Sue Heck : So, Dad, you're not going to believe this. Brad came up to me on the stairs and said the most shocking thing to me. He said he has a huge secret.
Mike Heck : Uh, Sue, you know, I don't think it's that big a secret.
Sue Heck : No, it is. Guess what he said? A boy likes me!
Mike Heck : Brad said that?
Sue Heck : Yeah, he said a boy likes me.
Mike Heck : That's what Brad said?
Sue Heck : Right.
Mike Heck : Uh-huh. Now, when he said that was that Brad talking or you talking?
Sue Heck : Dad, there's really only one way to take this. Brad said a boy likes me.
Mike Heck : I don't think so. Who's "me" in this scenario?
Sue Heck : Me.
Mike Heck : "You" you or "you" Brad?
Sue Heck : What?
Mike Heck : Let's say you wrote it in a book. Would it say, "'A boy likes me,' said Brad."?
Sue Heck : Why would a boy like Brad? Wh-why would Brad say a boy likes him? That doesn't make any sense.
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Frankie Heck : These are the moments, Mike. We're missing our life.
Mike Heck : We've been busy. We got a lot of kids.
Frankie Heck : Are we, Mike? Are we really that busy? 'Cause somehow we managed to catch every single episode of "Celebrity Rehab".
Mike Heck : Hey, keep TV out of this. We need TV. We got nothing else.
Frankie Heck : Yeah, well, no more.
[grabs coat]
Mike Heck : Where are you going?
Frankie Heck : Sue's wrestling meet is today and I said I was too busy. I can't be there for my one and only daughter because of paperwork? Mnh-mnh. I'm not missing out on one more hour of joy. I'm going.
[pauses]
Frankie Heck : But tape "Celebrity Rehab".