- Axl Heck: I call their dresser!
- Sue Heck: Why do you get the dresser? You don't need a dresser. You're a head, remember? You don't have clothes.
- Axl Heck: Neither do you. You're a head on a dude's body.
- Sue Heck: Mom! He's gonna do it. He's still gonna freeze my head.
- Brick Heck: Don't worry, Sue. I'll be here. I'll make sure.
- Sue Heck: Thank you.
- Axl Heck: Unless you die in your sleep.
- Brick Heck: Mom!
- Frankie Heck: Look, Aunt Ginny lived a long, full life and she died in her sleep. I think we can all take comfort in that.
- Brick Heck: How is that comforting? I sleep every night. I'd be more comforted if she died in a hang gliding accident.
- Mike Heck: No, in your sleep is what you're shooting for. You just close your eyes and never wake up. You never even know.
- Brick Heck: You never even know?
- Frankie Heck: The point is she looked good.
- Mike Heck: She really did.
- Frankie Heck: And she's in a beautiful spot.
- Sue Heck: She really is.
- Axl Heck: Well, I'm never ending up in a place like that, I'll tell you that right now.
- Mike Heck: If you figure out how to avoid it, let us know.
- Axl Heck: I already did. I'm gonna be frozen.
- Frankie Heck: You're gonna be frozen?
- Sue Heck: Ew, Axl!
- Axl Heck: Relax. Not my whole body. I'm just gonna freeze my head.
- Mike Heck: You're not freezing your head.
- Axl Heck: What? Think about it. I'm pretty awesome. If I go, the world's gonna want me back. So, I'll just freeze my head, and then when they come up with a cure for whatever I died of, they'll unfreeze me.
- Sue Heck: That's creepy. How can you be sure your head will ever get put back on your right body?
- Axl Heck: If I were you, I'd want my head to be put on somebody else's body.
- Frankie Heck: Axl, promise you won't freeze your sister's head and put it on somebody else's body.
- Axl Heck: I don't know that I can make that promise.
- Axl Heck: We don't listen to you guys when you're alive, what makes you think we're going to pay attention to your death napkin?
- Frankie Heck: People are going to be bringing food over to the house anyway.
- Brick Heck: Why?
- Frankie Heck: Because when somebody dies, you're not supposed to cook.
- Axl Heck: Why not?
- Frankie Heck: 'Cause you're not supposed to cook when you're sad.
- Brick Heck: Are you sad all the time, Mom?
- Axl Heck: Okay, here are my top picks of the bereavement food. Lemon bars are wicked good. Macaroni salad was a solid "6". But whoever brought the giant cookie - ugh. It was nasty. Ugh.
- Brick Heck: Axl! That wasn't a cookie. That was my Indiana dough map project for school.
- Mike Heck: Damn it, Axl. You ate your brother's project?
- Axl Heck: Well, why'd he put it on the counter with the bereavement food?
- Brick Heck: I didn't. I put it on the counter and people put the bereavement food around it.
- Axl Heck: Pfft. Whatever. I think I did you a favor, anyway. It needed sugar.
- Sue Heck: So, Dad, you're not going to believe this. Brad came up to me on the stairs and said the most shocking thing to me. He said he has a huge secret.
- Mike Heck: Uh, Sue, you know, I don't think it's that big a secret.
- Sue Heck: No, it is. Guess what he said? A boy likes me!
- Mike Heck: Brad said that?
- Sue Heck: Yeah, he said a boy likes me.
- Mike Heck: That's what Brad said?
- Sue Heck: Right.
- Mike Heck: Uh-huh. Now, when he said that was that Brad talking or you talking?
- Sue Heck: Dad, there's really only one way to take this. Brad said a boy likes me.
- Mike Heck: I don't think so. Who's "me" in this scenario?
- Sue Heck: Me.
- Mike Heck: "You" you or "you" Brad?
- Sue Heck: What?
- Mike Heck: Let's say you wrote it in a book. Would it say, "'A boy likes me,' said Brad."?
- Sue Heck: Why would a boy like Brad? Wh-why would Brad say a boy likes him? That doesn't make any sense.
- Frankie Heck: These are the moments, Mike. We're missing our life.
- Mike Heck: We've been busy. We got a lot of kids.
- Frankie Heck: Are we, Mike? Are we really that busy? 'Cause somehow we managed to catch every single episode of "Celebrity Rehab".
- Mike Heck: Hey, keep TV out of this. We need TV. We got nothing else.
- Frankie Heck: Yeah, well, no more.
- [grabs coat]
- Mike Heck: Where are you going?
- Frankie Heck: Sue's wrestling meet is today and I said I was too busy. I can't be there for my one and only daughter because of paperwork? Mnh-mnh. I'm not missing out on one more hour of joy. I'm going.
- [pauses]
- Frankie Heck: But tape "Celebrity Rehab".