- Cersei Lannister: [to Margaery] If you ever call me sister again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep.
- Tywin Lannister: You seem rather drunk.
- Tyrion Lannister: Rather less than I plan to be. Isn't it a man's duty to be drunk at his own wedding?
- Tywin Lannister: This isn't about your wedding. Renly Baratheon had a wedding. Your wife needs a child, a Lannister child, as soon as possible.
- Tyrion Lannister: And?
- Tywin Lannister: If you're going to give her one, you need to perform.
- Tyrion Lannister: What did you once call me? "A drunken little lust-filled beast."
- Tywin Lannister: More than once.
- Tyrion Lannister: [slurring] There you have it. Nothing to worry about. Drinking and lust. No man can match me in these things. I am the god of tits and wine... I shall build a shrine to myself at the next brothel I visit.
- [Tyrion tries to take a drink, but Tywin grabs the cup out of his hand]
- Tywin Lannister: You can drink. You can joke. You can engage in juvenile attempts to make your father uncomfortable. But you will do your duty.
- [Sansa is reluctantly undressing to have sex with Tyrion]
- Tyrion Lannister: Stop. I can't. I could, I won't.
- Sansa Stark: But your father...
- Tyrion Lannister: If my father wants someone to get fucked, I know where he can start... I won't share your bed. Not until you want me to.
- Sansa Stark: What if I never want you to?
- [pause]
- Tyrion Lannister: [raises his cup] And so my watch begins.
- [Tyrion takes a sip of his wine and passes out on a chaise longue]
- Davos Seaworth: I think mothers and fathers made up the gods because they wanted their children to sleep through the night.
- Stannis Baratheon: What do you mean to do with him?
- Melisandre: You know what I mean to do with him.
- Stannis Baratheon: Then why bathe him and dress him in fine clothes? If it needs to be done, then do it. Don't torture the boy.
- Melisandre: Have you ever slaughtered a lamb?
- Stannis Baratheon: No.
- Melisandre: If the lamb sees the knife, she panics. Her panic seeps into the meat, darkens it, fouls the flavor.
- Stannis Baratheon: And you've slaughtered many lambs.
- Melisandre: And none have seen the blade.
- Joffrey Baratheon: Time for the bedding ceremony!
- [the crowd cheers. Joffrey grabs Sansa by her arm and pulls her]
- Tyrion Lannister: There will be no bedding ceremony.
- Joffrey Baratheon: Where's your respect for tradition, uncle? Come, everyone! Pick her up and carry her to her wedding bed. Get rid of her gown. She won't be needing it any longer.
- [Sansa crosses her arms fearfully as Joffrey points towards Tyrion]
- Joffrey Baratheon: Ladies, attend to my uncle. He's not heavy.
- Tyrion Lannister: There will be no bedding ceremony.
- Joffrey Baratheon: [smiles nastily] There will be if I command it.
- [Tyrion slams his dagger into the table, startling Joffrey]
- Tyrion Lannister: Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock!
- [a shocked silence falls. Tywin quickly rises to his feet. Joffrey approaches Tyrion, seething with rage]
- Joffrey Baratheon: What did you say? What... did you... SAY?
- [Tyrion and Joffrey glare at each other hatefully. Tywin intervenes to defuse the situation]
- Tywin Lannister: I believe we can dispense with the bedding, Your Grace. I'm sure Tyrion didn't mean to threaten the king.
- [Tyrion bursts out laughing and lets go of the dagger]
- Tyrion Lannister: A bad joke Your Grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small. My poor wife won't even know I'm there.
- Tywin Lannister: Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace.
- Tyrion Lannister: I am. Guilty.
- [Tyrion drinks from his cup]
- Tyrion Lannister: But... but it is my wedding night. My tiny drunk cock and I have a job to do.
- [Tyrion stumbles drunk]
- Tyrion Lannister: Come, wife.
- [Tyrion starts walking away. Sansa glances fearfully at Joffrey, then follows Tyrion]
- Tyrion Lannister: I vomited on a girl once in the middle of the act. Not proud of it. But I think honesty is important between a man and wife, don't you agree? Come I'll tell you all about it. Put you in the mood.
- [at the wedding of Sansa and Tyrion, Olenna Tyrell sums up the complex family tree that will result from the impending marriages of Joffrey, Margaery, Loras and Cersei]
- Lady Olenna Tyrell: [to Loras] So, their son will be your nephew after you're wed to Cersei, of course. And you will be the king's stepfather and brother-in-law.
- [Loras looks annoyed and upset. He does not respond]
- Lady Olenna Tyrell: [to Margaery] When you marry the king, Joffrey's mother will become his sister-in-law. And your son will be Loras'... nephew? Grandson? I'm not sure. But your brother will become your father-in-law, that much is beyond dispute.
- [Loras looks angrily at his grandmother, and leaves the table. Olenna smiles smugly]
- Daenerys Targaryen: Will you fight for me? Swear to me.
- Daario Naharis: The Second Sons are yours, and so is Daario Naharis. My sword is yours. My life is yours. My heart is yours.
- Mero: I'll come looking for you when this is all over.
- [Mero slaps Missandei on the butt as he walks out]
- Daenerys Targaryen: Ser Barristan. When it come to battle, kill that one first.
- Barristan Selmy: Gladly, your Grace.
- [Melisandre hands Stannis a bowl containing three leeches. They appraoch the burning brazier. Davos watches them quietly. Stannis takes one leech]
- Stannis Baratheon: The usurper Robb Stark.
- [Stannis throws the leech into the fire, then takes a second leech]
- Stannis Baratheon: The usurper Balon Greyjoy.
- [Stannis throws the leech into the fire, then takes a third leech]
- Stannis Baratheon: The usurper Joffrey Baratheon.
- [Stannis throws the leech into the fire. The leeches writhe and burst]
- [the Hound riding on a horse, with Arya up front. He offers her a bite of apple, but she ignores]
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Sulk all you want. Truth is, you're lucky. You don't wanna be alone out here, girl. Someone worse than me will find you.
- Arya Stark: There's no one worse than you.
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: You never knew my brother. He once killed a man for snoring. There's plenty worse... than me. There's men who like to beat little girls. Men who like to rape them. I saved your sister from some of them.
- Arya Stark: You're lying.
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Ask her, if you ever see her again. Ask her who came back for her when the mob had her on her back. They would have taken her every which way and left her there with her throat cut open.
- [first scene: Arya sneaks up on the Hound with rock, poised to strike]
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: I'll give you one try, girl.
- [the Hound looks up at Arya]
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Kill me and you're free. But if I live, I'll break both your hands. Go on, hit me. Hit me hard.
- Loras Tyrell: [looking out over moonlit sea] Well, my father once told me...
- Cersei Lannister: No one cares what your father once told you.
- [walks away]
- Melisandre: [to Gendry] Death is coming for everyone and everything. The darkness will swallow the dawn.
- Tyrion Lannister: [drunk] Amazingly long.
- Sansa Stark: What?
- Tyrion Lannister: Neck. You have one. How old are you exactly?
- Sansa Stark: Fourteen.
- Tyrion Lannister: [shakes his head] Well, talk won't make you any older. My Lord Father has commanded me to consummate this marriage.
- [at a river crossing]
- Arya Stark: Is that the Blackwater?
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: The Blackwater? Where do you think I'm taking you?
- Arya Stark: [confused] Back to King's Landing, to Joffrey and the queen.
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Fuck Joffrey, fuck the queen. That's the Red Fork. I'm taking you to the Twins.
- Arya Stark: But why?
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Because your mother and brother will be there, and they'll pay me for you.
- Arya Stark: Why would they be at the Twins?
- Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane: Those outlaws you love so much never told you? The whole countryside's yapping about it. Your uncle's marrying one of the Frey girls. So quit trying to bash my skull in and we might just make it there in time for the wedding.