- Oscar Martinez: Don't you want to see the baby?
- Dwight Schrute: Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now.
- Dwight Schrute: [talking to the baby] Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions... willingly or as slaves.
- Dwight Schrute: [yelling at Jim] I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.
- Jim Halpert: [deleted scene] All right, guys. You know how we all like the red licorice but it's always buried behind, like, a ton of black licorice? Bought it all. Now it's like red city in there, so enjoy it.
- Phyllis Vance: Money bags. Must be nice.
- Andy Bernard: So you effectively spent, what, four dollars on the entire office?
- Jim Halpert: I can't get a handle on it. Am I cheap or rich? I can't...
- Andy Bernard: You're nothing. When I think about all the gas money I spent on you. Washing my car to make sure you looked good.
- Jim Halpert: Well, enjoy the red licorice. And good riddance, right?
- Darryl Philbin: Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you just gonna throw away perfectly good food?
- Jim Halpert: It's not really food, right?
- Creed Bratton: I'm really hating this Jim guy!
- Jim Halpert: Okay, okay, okay.
- Stanley Hudson: I know what you can do, Jim. Take those black licorice, then go get some of those red licorice. Take them in your hand, roll 'em up real tight...
- Jim Halpert: And shove it up my butt!
- Stanley Hudson: Damn it, Jim! You stole my afternoons, now you stole my line! It's not shove it up your butt, it's I'll kill you! I'll kill you dead!
- Darryl Philbin: Eat it.
- Jim Halpert: I'm not gonna eat it.
- Darryl Philbin: Eat... it.
- Jim Halpert: I'm not going to...
- Stanley Hudson: EAT IT!
- [first lines]
- Andy Bernard: Val, I need the space.
- Val: Alright guys, clear out.
- Andy Bernard: Everybody out.
- Val: Promise me you're going to clean up.
- Andy Bernard: I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do.
- Val: Promise me that...
- Andy Bernard: Obviously I'm going to clean up.
- Dwight Schrute: Remember, you said that Robert was not fulfilling you. And then I said that I could fulfill you. And you said, "I'd like to see you try." And then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls.
- Dwight Schrute: Angela, this child is definitely mine. It looks just like me.
- Angela Martin-Lipton: Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby.