- Sean Donahue: I thought you were gonna lifeguard at the pool again.
- Axl Heck: Dude, that job sucked. My boss was always on me. "That chair's not for sleeping. Stop hitting on girls and save that kid."
- Frankie Heck: Mike, we can't have a wedding at this house. I'm too ashamed to even open the door for the UPS guy.
- Mike Heck: Look, I don't like this either, but you of all people should get this. You're the one who's always saying you do for family.
- Frankie Heck: I meant my family.
- Mike Heck: Look, Rusty, having teenagers - it's a lot to take on.
- Rusty Heck: Really? Well, the boy is an all-star basketball player, and the girl is a straight-"A" student, so I think I'm doing something right.
- Mike Heck: Oh, yeah? What are their names?
- Rusty Heck: Well, I'm not quite sure. But I do know that one is all white, and one is pretty much white.
- Frankie Heck: Oh, and, Mike, I heard something else drop into the pool last night. Seriously, how many squirrels have to die before we get a cover?