- Oderus Urungus: Remember the first time you saw STAR WARS? We were still living at your Mom's house at the time and you cam running into my closet saying "Oderus! Oderus! I know what I want to do with the rest of my life now!"
- Adam: Finger Carrie Fisher?
- Oderus Urungus: No! You wanted to make movies. Movies with monsters.
- Adam: Yeah, well, I tried. I tried harder than anybody else that I know. But everybody else that I grew up with? My friends? They've got families, and they have children, and they have savings accounts and 401K's. They have futures! Me? What do I have? I have nothing but debt and misery and every single thing I do I get rejected. I have no money. It's bullshit and I don't want to do it anymore.
- Oderus Urungus: What about Joe? He's just as bad off as you are, though unlike you, he's too stupid to admit it.
- Adam: How is that supposed to make me feel better?
- Oderus Urungus: ...I don't know.
- Oderus Urungus: Fine. Sell out. Get a job. A nice 9 to 5 one. Sit in front of the idiot box all night and watch some stupid sitcom all the whole wondering what it might have been like if you had held in there for just one more day.
- Oderus Urungus: If you give up, you're the dick. It's like Kurt Cobain once said... "I give up."
- [He mimes blowing his own head off]
- Oderus Urungus: Don't be that guy.
- [Then, to the studio audience]
- Oderus Urungus: And no! That joke wasn't too soon! It's been twenty years, you people need to get over it!
- [Then, to Adam]
- Oderus Urungus: But if we don't get a third season you have no one to blame but yourself, Adam. You wrote it.
- Dana: I think I might love you.
- Adam: Wow. Um...
- Dana: Did I just say that? Wow. Um, it's OK. You don't have to say it back. I know we've only been dating a few weeks and that just... ugh... just kind of came out.
- Adam: Yeah - Rrrught! That was gross. Not gross. I mean, what I just did was gross. What you did was...
- Dana: It's OK. We're good.
- Gustavo: Why you not invite Gustavo?
- Joe: Oh, didn't you get the invitation?
- Gustavo: I did not get the invitation.
- Joe: Must have gotten lost in the mail.
- Laura: You said not to invite Gustavo.
- Gustavo: Who says this?
- Joe: No I didn't.
- Laura: Yes you did. You threw away his invitation...
- Joe: -Be quiet, Pile of Stuff!
- Gustavo: Why would Pile of Stuff say you not invite Gustavo?
- Joe: [to Laura] Now, I may not be able to give you everything that you deserve. I don't have any money. I can't even buy you dinner most nights. And I certainly can't buy you the ring that you so richly deserve. But... if you'll take this ring pop for now... I swear that every dime that I make and every penny that I find will go towards buying you the biggest ring in the whole world. Please, Laura. Don't go to Germany. Because of you, I... I love my life. I cherish it. I cherish it more than Rick Baker's amazing werewolf transformation effects in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. So with all of our friends here and Sid Haig in attendance...
- Sid Haig: Don't involve me in this!
- Joe: I ask you... will you marry me?
- Adam: Wait. How much of this is real and how much of this is just "end of season shenanigans". Like last season. When we all got shot to death for no reason.
- Corri: The zombies aren't real. But you guys really lost your jobs. Laura really said no. And I'm really pregnant.
- Adam: [Kneels down to tenderly put his face against her belly] FUCK.
- Crazy Max: Crazy Max, you're accused of having the lowest prices in New England! How do you plead? Well, your Honor, if selling fifty-count packs of styrofoam plates and generic shaving cream for ninety-nine cents is a crime, then Crazy Max sure is guilty!
- Lance Rockett: You guys look like I did when Dokken got dropped from their label.
- Joe: Our short film just got rejected by every film festival we submitted to.
- Lance Rockett: So what? You can't let the man decide your future! You gotta rock it out yourself! You decide your own fate, not some suit behind a desk! Yeah! Get back! Wooo!
- Laura: If you got a job directing a movie in a third world country I'd want you to go. Think about how many movies shoot in Canada.
- Joe: Making a movie is different. Plus you're talking about leaving for what? Two years?
- Laura: If this were you I'd want you to go because it's what you love.
- Joe: And I want you to stay because I love YOU.
- Laura: I can't do this right now. I have dead cats to paint.
- Joe: Did you not hear me? I said I love you!
- Laura: DEAD CATS! MEEOW! HISSS!