Mike & Molly (TV Series)

Mike Likes Lasagna (2012)

Billy Gardell: Mike Biggs

Quotes 

• Mike Biggs : For her it's one night, but Harry's gonna be prepping for days. Going to every big-and-tall shop looking for a shirt that's hip, sexy, and doesn't look like someone's tenting for termites.

  Molly Flynn : This isn't just about Harry, is it?

  Mike Biggs : Her name was Betsy Zajko. I was a sophmore and she was a senior. I'd just made third-string center on the football team so I was feeling pretty good about myself.

  Molly Flynn : Whiskey?

  Mike Biggs : Please.

  [Molly hands a glass to Mike and pours] 

  Mike Biggs : Anyway, the summer before, her boyfriend had been killed in a dirt-bike accident, so she was vulnerable and most of the guys in her league were feeling a little gun-shy.

  Molly Flynn : Understandable.

  Mike Biggs : I mustered up the courage to ask her out, and to my amazement, she said, "Yes." I showed up to the dance with a new shirt, corduroy vest, and a pair of my dad's dress khakis.

  Molly Flynn : Ooh. Hello, sexy.

  Mike Biggs : Molly, please?

  Molly Flynn : Sorry.

  Mike Biggs : Anyway, by the end of the night, Betsy had slow-danced or dry-humped the quarterback, the fullback, pretty much anybody with a varsity letter and an erection.

  Molly Flynn : Oh, honey.

  Mike Biggs : Yeah, apparently, I was the warm-up act for the entire team. While they were enjoying the fruits of my labor, I was in the parking lot splitting a meat lover's pizza with the fat tuba player from the marching band.

  Molly Flynn : Yeah, I've got a similar story. Mine ends with me splitting a bag of White Castle hamburgers with a very grabby equipment manager. He's a she now.

  [Clinks glass and whiskey bottle] 

  Molly Flynn : I buy my Mary Kay products from her.

  [Refills Mike's glass and takes a swig from the bottle]