- Chase Davenport: Welcome, Shark Man and Flipper Boy! Eek-eek-eek-eek-eek-eek. I KNEW the second I saw you guys something was fishy.
- Leo Dooley: Well, how about as a birthday gift you give me a bionic ability?
- Donald Davenport: Or I could gift-wrap reality and you could play with that for a while.
- Leo Dooley: Every year my mom throws me a big surprise party.
- Adam Davenport: Really?
- Leo Dooley: Last year she baked a cake the size of ME. I'm not gonna brag but... I was delicious.
- Bree Davenport: Hey, uh, why haven't WE ever had a birthday party?
- Tasha Davenport: Donald! You NEVER celebrated their birthdays?
- Donald Davenport: Of course I celebrated their birthdays. Remember when we...
- [the teens shake their heads]
- Donald Davenport: No, when we went to the...
- [the teens shake their heads again]
- Donald Davenport: Yeah, I never celebrated their birthdays.
- Tasha Davenport: Did you also eat all the cookies before Santa came down the chimney?
- Bree Davenport: What's Santa?
- Tasha Davenport: [to Donald] Oh, come ON!
- Bree Davenport: Well, what do WE know about throwing a surprise party?
- Adam Davenport: Well, if it was me, I'd want a bouncy house. And a piñata. Wait. And a clown. No, wait! Put the piñata ON the clown IN the bouncy house and hit everything at once. Candy's bound to come out of somewhere.
- Chase Davenport: Eddy, we're moving the party prep upstairs. Keep Leo in the lab until I give you the signal.
- Eddy: Wait. So you want me to hold the poor kid against his will? I'm in!
- Bree Davenport: Welcome to Leo's surprise party. When he comes up, remember to scream real loud and pretend you're his friend.
- Leo Dooley: Eddy, unlock this door.
- Eddy: Not until I get the signal, otherwise it would ruin the surprise.
- Leo Dooley: But they're celebrating without me!
- Eddy: That's nothing. Wait till they start opening your gifts.
- Leo Dooley: [finally released from the basement] I thought my first birthday with you guys was gonna be awesome, and - you know what? - it probably was, but I wouldn't know because - I WASN'T INVITED!
- Donald Davenport: I am the worst dad ever.
- [silence]
- Donald Davenport: Well, don't all disagree with me at once.
- Donald Davenport: Birthday's matter.
- Chase Davenport: Yeah, you should know. You've had enough of 'em. What're you, like, fifty?
- [Tasha has to accept an award for reporting on the same night as Leo's birthday]
- Tasha Davenport: Leo, are you sure you're not mad? We've never been apart on your birthday.
- Adam Davenport: Oh, pleeease! He'll have plenty of birthdays, but who knows if you'll ever win anything again.
- [Adam, Bree and Chase decide to throw Leo a surprise birthday party]
- Adam Davenport: Whoo-hoo! Yeah, we're havin' a party! Leo's gonna be so surprised. I'm gonna go tell 'im.
- Donald Davenport: Look, Leo, I'm really sorry we're missing your birthday, but wait till you see the gift I got you. It is... whoa-amazing-I-can't-believe-he's-my-stepdad-tastic!
- Leo Dooley: Is it a robotic snake?
- Donald Davenport: Mm-mm.
- Leo Dooley: Is it a remote-controlled tank that fires real lasers?
- Donald Davenport: Mm-mm.
- Leo Dooley: Is it a real tank that fires fake lasers?
- Donald Davenport: Mm-mm.
- Leo Dooley: Then I hope you kept the receipt.
- Donald Davenport: Lemme get this straight. So you guys had a surprise party for Leo - without Leo. That's... that's actually kind of fu...
- Donald Davenport: [with a look from Tasha] It's not funny. It's not funny.
- Tasha Davenport: Honey, I know your birthday was a bit of a bust, but I think I know what will make it better.
- Tasha Davenport: [to Donald] Donald! Give him your gift!
- Leo Dooley: Yeah, Big D. Maybe your awesome-tastical gift can cheer me up after being...
- Leo Dooley: [over to the Adam, Bree and Chase] ... Totally forgotten!
- Donald Davenport: What? That gift? You don't want that gift. You know what?
- Donald Davenport: [whipping out a stack of cash and counting off a few bills] Just gimme the number that'll keep the tears back. Wadda ya say?