- Steve McGarrett: Why don't you tell me what happened at the Hilton today?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Nothing happened at the Hilton.
- Steve McGarrett: Cuz you... seem upset... to me.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: You became a shrink all of a sudden?
- Steve McGarrett: Yeah. And you can take a seat in the back there, uh, if you, if you'd be more comfortable lying down. Or, you can stay where you're sitting and tell me what happened cuz either way I'm gonna keep asking you, so it's up to you.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Sigmund. You wanna know what's bothering me?
- Steve McGarrett: [Dramatic pause while he slowly nods his head once] It's your hour.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. I'll tell you, by the pool, there was this very, very, creepy, *creepy* child.
- Steve McGarrett: Okay.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: I mean, a real, real malcontent. Okay?
- Steve McGarrett: Mm-hmm.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: And you shoulda seen Grace. I mean, she was giggling like a school girl every time this kid opens his mouth.
- Steve McGarrett: Uh. Grace *is* a school girl.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. And this guy's a stalker. Okay? A stalker. He fits the profile.
- Steve McGarrett: Profile?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: He called her five times in three days.
- Steve McGarrett: How do you know that?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Because I dumped her phone.
- Steve McGarrett: You dumped your kid's phone?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yes.
- Steve McGarrett: And this stalker... Ten? Is he ten years old?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ted Bundy was ten once.
- Steve McGarrett: [Gives Danny a look] Yes, he was, Danny. Yes, he was.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. First of all, please slow down.
- [Steve is driving Danny's car at speed with Max in the back seat]
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay? We don't even know which way they went.
- Steve McGarrett: This road is the only way out of the marina.
- [He swerves in and out of traffic]
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Easy. Please. Easy, Speed Racer, huh?
- Dr. Max Bergman: Actually, this vehicle was engineered to be driven in this manner.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Could you stop, Max? You're not helping!
- Tony Archer: Listen. Whoa. Just listen.
- [He and McGarrett are in a stand off on Tony's boat]
- Tony Archer: I see no reason for one of us to get shot. We don't have to do this. What we should do is maybe, uh, put our little pea shooters down at the same time.
- Steve McGarrett: Oh yeah? How's that done, huh?
- Tony Archer: Uh. We'll count. One, two, three.
- Steve McGarrett: Count of three, put our guns down. Huh?
- Tony Archer: You got it.
- Steve McGarrett: You want me to start?
- Tony Archer: That would be nice.
- Steve McGarrett: Alright. One.
- [pause]
- Tony Archer: You're doin' good. Keep goin'.
- Steve McGarrett: Two. Three.
- [They lower their guns. Steve holsters his, but Tony points his at Steve]
- Tony Archer: Learned a big lesson, didn't ya, pal?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Cocks his gun and puts it against Tony's neck from behind] Think you learned a big lesson too, ol' man. Huh?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Alright, listen to me, alright? Tell you something, I want you to pay attention. I told you before. You gotta be careful around boys. You understand?
- Grace Williams: Danno...
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no, no. Listen. You can't trust all boys. You, you just can't. They, uh, have... They have, uh...
- Grace Williams: What?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: They have motives. They got motives. Now, listen. I don't wanna- I don't wanna scare you and make you think that all boys are evil. Okay? But, this kid...
- Grace Williams: He's just a friend.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: He's evil. Alright? I said it. He's evil. Alright? You understand me? That boy's no good. Nod your head if you understand.
- Tony Archer: Leland's a coward. When HPD rolled up, the protesters he was with, they all linked arms and sat down. But, not this guy. He just ran.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, he ran because he had something to hide. Makes sense.
- Tony Archer: Well, you see a suspect.
- [shrugs]
- Tony Archer: I see a coward.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: This afternoon you couldn't see anything without your glasses.
- Steve McGarrett: [Tony has just brought out pizza flown in from New York] That's a... that's a good piece of pizza right there.
- Tony Archer: No, no, no, no. See, where we come from we don't say piece. It's a slice. We call it a slice.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: [waving his hand] No, don't say that.
- [pointing to Steve]
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Not domesticated. He's an animal.
- [Tony chuckles]
- Steve McGarrett: What do you mean, animal?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: You were born an animal.
- Steve McGarrett: I'm eating pizza here. You're callin' me an animal.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: You'll be an animal the rest of your life.
- Tony Archer: Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!
- Steve McGarrett: Huh?
- Tony Archer: Lemme ask ya something. Do you two hens peck at each other like this all the time? All the time.
- Steve McGarrett: Nahh...
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. Absolutely.
- Steve McGarrett: No. No. Well...
- Kono Kalakaua: [Tony has been looking under the computer platform while Kono updates the team] Something wrong?
- Tony Archer: [disbelieving] This is a computer.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: [sarcastic] Wow. That's pretty good, Detective.
- Kono Kalakaua: I'm Kono, by the way.
- Tony Archer: Anthony.
- [They shake hands]
- Kono Kalakaua: Pleasure to meet you.
- Tony Archer: Pleasure.
- [He gives her a charming smile]
- Tony Archer: I hope to enhance that feeling as time goes on.
- Tony Archer: When Tony Archer promises you something, you can bet you're gonna get it... 50% of the time.
- Bobby Raines: BR: What's up, Honolulu? Let's light this candle. Hey, folks: welcome to the Bobby Raines Show, I am the aforementioned Bobby Raines as most of you know. Just a note, if you're going to send me fan mail, don't put your name on the front in crayon, because I'm not opening it. That's all I need to do is to find some rabbit pellets in there and I got Hantavirus: thank you.
- [hits button on soundboard marked "Insane Asylum"]
- Bobby Raines: BR: Five miles offshore today on the Snark Ark, because I'm not going onshore, I refuse to do it. I cannot go into the city anymore, I'm sorry. The kids in that Occupy Movement driving me absolutely crazy when I go by.
- [to Miles Rogers]
- Bobby Raines: To me, it appears to break down into two main groups, Uncle Fester. You've got the wide-eyed stoner kid who's hitting the gecko bong more frequently than one of Bob Marley's kids at a Phish concert, or else you have the disaffected rich kid who's
- [shouts]
- Bobby Raines: Gonna show my dad that I'm not part of the whole machine! You walk in his shoes, you walk in his shoes, I've just had enough!
- Miles Rogers: MR: So what are you trying to say, Bobby?
- Bobby Raines: BR: What I'm saying is its over, it's time to Zamboni off the loser ice and get these kids outta there! One man's saving the world as we know it is another man's vagrancy and at this point, I only see you as squatters who apparently don't know squat, all right? We've had enough of it, kids: time to go home now and get back in the basement, OK? And you know, they always hit me with "You don't have any compassion for the common man".
- Bobby Raines: BR: What, are you kidding me? I want to help the helpless, I don't want to help the clueless, and you have officially lapsed over into clueless, my friend. Listen: you're looking back on times that weren't even hip when they were hip. Woodstock was a mud hole with no cell coverage, all right, my man? You're a dreamer, you are a rebel without a clue, and I'm sorry to blow your mind, little Silver Surfer but guess what? It's a time in history when your mind deserves to be blown!
- [hits button marked "Boom": studio explodes]
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Tony, do me a favour.
- Tony Archer: Do you what favour?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: If you ever touch my hair again, I'm gonna shoot you, OK?
- Tony Archer: Oh, did I touch it again?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: You touched it a little bit.
- Tony Archer: You have a funny thing with your hair, don't you?
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Little bit.
- Tony Archer: Well, I ain't got a lot of it.
- [Points to his hair]
- Tony Archer: You know what this is called? Ought to have been hair.
- Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ought to have been on...
- Tony Archer: Ought to have been on a donkey's ass.
- [laughs]
- Steve McGarrett: I didn't want to say anything but, you know.
- Tony Archer: Well, I'm glad you didn't.
- Steve McGarrett: [Points to his hair] What do you call this?
- Tony Archer: I call that shit.
- Steve McGarrett: We don't need to talk about it.
- Tony Archer: [to the suspect] He gave you his daughter.
- [angry]
- Tony Archer: He gave you his daughter!
- [punches suspect in the face]