Star Trek: Lower Decks (TV Series)
I Have No Bones Yet I Must Flee (2023)
Jerry O'Connell: Commander Jack Ransom
Photos
Quotes
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Beckett Mariner : Uh, no-weapons policy in a death-trap zoo? Fucking genius.
[to Ransom]
Beckett Mariner : What's your problem?
Jack Ransom : Do I really have to say it?
Beckett Mariner : Wait, you think I let that thing out?
Jack Ransom : You've been pulling insubordinate crap all day!
Beckett Mariner : Oh, that is rich!
Jack Ransom : You're the one who let a bone-eating monster out of its cage!
Narj : Uh, Narj will make sure the moopsy is still attacking the door.
Beckett Mariner : Yeah, I've been pushing your buttons, because I knew you were looking for a reason to demote me, and of course, it's for something I didn't even do.
Jack Ransom : Wait, why would I want to demote you?
Beckett Mariner : Gee, I dunno, how about our entire working relationship?
Jack Ransom : What? I'm a good boss!
Beckett Mariner : You stabbed me in the foot with a battle blade; you-you turned into a giant head and tried to eat me; you tried to trick me into messing up on that space elevator...
Jack Ransom : That was an orbital lift!
Beckett Mariner : And then, after you promised that you would believe in me, I heard you tell Shaxs in the gym that I wasn't gonna be your problem anymore!
Jack Ransom : Wh-what? The gym? You heard that?
Beckett Mariner : Ha! You admit it!
Jack Ransom : All I meant is that you're not gonna be my problem because I'm not gonna take the bait with your insubordination!
Beckett Mariner : Bait? What-what are you talking about?
Jack Ransom : It's all in your file! You've been promoted a dozen times, then you always get demoted for acting out!
Beckett Mariner : Yeah, 'cause I'm a, you know, I'm a free spirit!
Jack Ransom : No, because you're manipulating your commanding officers. I'm gonna be the first one who doesn't fall for it. Trust me, it's not easy.
Beckett Mariner : I do *not* try to get demoted!
Jack Ransom : What have you been doing all day?
Beckett Mariner : No, I was...
[stammers]
Beckett Mariner : Okay, fine, that was just today.
Jack Ransom : You *always* do it!
Beckett Mariner : No, I don't, I...
[stammers]
Beckett Mariner : Shut up. I... why would I do that?
Jack Ransom : I don't know. But I'm sorry to say you still have my unwavering support, no matter how hard you make it.
Beckett Mariner : [sighs] I didn't let the moopsy out.
Jack Ransom : I believe you.
Beckett Mariner : Okay. Thank you.
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[the away team has come to a menagerie to rescue two humans]
Jack Ransom : I know you're taking a hit losing these guys. We appreciate your positive attitude.
Narj : Not to worry. My real moneymakers are the Pyrithian Swamp Gobblers.
[Narj indicates the Pyrithian Swamp Gobblers' cage holding two terrifying-looking beasts with large teeth and screeching roars]
Moopsy : [camera pans down to reveal a moopsy, a cute little creature outside the Pyrithian Swamp Gobblers' cage. A Pyrithian Swamp Gobbler sees the moopsy, stops roaring, and backs away from the moopsy, whining with fear] Moopsy!
Narj : [nonchalantly] Hmm?
Narj : [suddenly terrified] Oh, fuck! The moopsy is free!
Beckett Mariner : [mockingly] Oh, no, your cuddliest prisoner is loose. Whatever shall we do?
Narj : You don't understand! Everything here is incredibly dangerous!
Moopsy : [Moopsy climbs through an access panel into the Pyrithian Swamp Gobblers' cage] Moopsy!
Jack Ransom : Can't be worse than the swamp gobblers.
Narj : Of course it's worse! They only gobble you. The moopsy drinks your bones!
Beckett Mariner : How does something drink bones?
Beckett Mariner : [Moopsy jumps on the back of a swamp gobbler, bites its neck, then sucks on it, causing the gobbler to collapse into a boneless mass of flesh] Holy fuck!
Narj : Run! Run for your lives!
[Moopsy attacks other Pyrithian Swamp Gobbler, drinks all of its bones]
Jack Ransom , Beckett Mariner , Ensign Gary : [running from cage room, screaming]
Moopsy : [casually waddling out of the Pyrithian Swamp Gobblers' cage into the cage room] Moopsy!
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Beckett Mariner : I just wish we could've figured out how this little guy got out in the first place. I mean, it clearly wasn't Narj; dude was *brimming* with bones.
Jack Ransom : Let's get these humans out of here. Starfleet Security can figure it out.
Ensign Gary : Well, at least it wasn't our fault. You know, humans are always blamed for being dangerous,
[Mariner eyes something suspiciously]
Ensign Gary : but we don't have claws or fangs or...
Beckett Mariner : Hey, that umbrella is upside down, yeah?
[the panel falls off the wall, revealing what appear to be controls. The woman in the enclosure tries to hide it, resulting in the moopsy's door opening; Mariner closes it before the moopsy can escape again]
Beckett Mariner : Did you fuckers rewire the moopsy door? You could've got us all killed!
Jack Ransom : Wow. I guess humans really are the most dangerous game.
Ensign Gary : Damn it.
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Beckett Mariner : Hey, Narj, what got you in the prison business, huh? Just a cruel weirdo who loves locking people up?
Narj : A prison is a place for criminals. I've given these sweet creatures a safe home.
Beckett Mariner : What about this little guy? He doesn't deserve to be in your fucked-up hobby.
Narj : Hobby? The moopsy is Narj's favorite.
Moopsy : Moopsy!
Beckett Mariner : Do you imprison everything you like?
Narj : Of course.
Jack Ransom : [chuckles] Mariner, it's not our place to judge the menagerie. We're just here to pick up the humans.
Beckett Mariner : No, *you're* here to collect humans; *I'm* here to *be* human, which means calling bullshit when I see it.
Narj : Narj does not understand. Narj abides by Federation law.
Jack Ransom : [chuckles] Don't worry about it. She's a firebrand, but I trust her with my life.
Beckett Mariner : No, you're not getting in my head!
[looks into the moopsy enclosure]
Moopsy : [purrs, wiggles its butt as if preparing for a pounce] Moopsy!