- Rarity: Rainbow, why don't you join me in one of these delicious hooficures?
- Rainbow Dash: It's that good, huh? Well, maybe just one little hoof.
- [Lotus gets the file very near to Dash's hoof]
- Rainbow Dash: [yelps; jumps up and hovers] Forget it, I don't like ponies touching my hooves.
- Noi: [reading] "Snips and Snails in bubblegum veils! And that's when the biggest jokester in school really stuck his hoof in it - literally!"
- Colt: [foals are reading the newspaper around the school grounds] The Foal Free Press is usually just boring news and stuff.
- Filly: So funny!
- Snips: Our mothers always told us we'd end up in the papers someday.
- Snails: [with parts of their fur shaved off] Yeah, and look! We finally got the gum out!
- [laughs]
- Applejack: "Applejack, asleep on the job!" Can y'all believe this? And this one: "Big Macintosh - what's he hiding?" Who the hay does this Gabby Gums think she is?
- Twilight Sparkle: Listen to this one. "Twilight Sparkle: I was a Canterlot snob. A well-placed scaly source close to the prissy pony says Twilight Sparkle thinks Ponyville is nothing but muddy roads and low-class rubes."
- Rarity: Everypony, please! She's just a harmless schoolpony engaged in a little harmless gossip. You're really making too big a deal out of this.
- Twilight Sparkle: But it's *all* lies! Gabby Gums prints whatever she wants, she doesn't care whose reputation she destroys! "Fluttershy has tail extensions!" "Pinkie Pie is an out-of-control party animal!"
- Pinkie Pie: [shocked] What?
- [crying]
- Pinkie Pie: It's true! I *do* have a problem!
- Twilight Sparkle: Oh look! According to this one, the Cakes are breaking up!
- Mrs. Cake: [rushes into the room with Mr. Cake and their babies] We are?
- Rainbow Dash: [crashes in with a pile of newspapers] Well, my life is officially over. Gabby Gums has made it to Cloudsdale.
- Twilight Sparkle: "Rainbow Dash: Speed demon or super softie?"?
- Rainbow Dash: I grabbed as many copies as I could, but it was too late!
- [crying]
- Rainbow Dash: I'm a laughing stock!
- Twilight Sparkle: See, Rarity? Your so-called "harmless gossip" can be very hurtful!
- Rarity: Honestly, you ponies have no sense of humor. So she tweaks a few ponies every now and then, maybe they dese-
- [sees another issue, gasps]
- Rarity: I'll *destroy* her! "The Drama-Queen Diaries"... she's reprinted my diary! How could Gabby Gums possibly get access to my private diary?
- Sweetie Belle: [voice over of their final letter] To the citizens of Ponyville, for some time now, you've been reading this column to get the latest dirt and the hottest buzz. But this will be my final piece. We want to apologize for the pain and embarrassment we've caused.
- Apple Bloom: Y'see, I'm actually three little fillies, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo.
- Scootaloo: As the popularity of our column grew, we got swept up in the hype. We knew that what we were doing didn't feel quite right, but we ignored the guilt because everypony seemed to want to read what we were writing.
- Sweetie Belle: From now on, we promise to respect everypony else's privacy, and we won't engage in hurtful gossip any more.
- Apple Bloom: All we can do is ask for your forgiveness, Ponyville. Signing off for the very last time, XOXO, Gabby Gums.
- Rainbow Dash: The new Gabby Gums just came out! "The Great and Powerful Trixie's secrets revealed!"
- Rarity: We already read that one, Rainbow Dash.
- Twilight Sparkle: I like Gabby Gums too, but don't you think she can be a little mean?
- Applejack: She's not mean, Twilight, she's a hoot!
- Twilight Sparkle: "Celestia, just like us?" Gabby Gums doesn't value anypony's privacy.
- Twilight Sparkle: We've got to put a stop to this once and for all! Sweetie Belle's on the newspaper staff. Maybe she knows who Gabby Gums is!
- Rarity: [gasps] My sister would never associate with anyone as beastly as Gabby Gums! I resent you even suggesting such a thing, Twilight! Why, she's the most innocent, most lovely...
- Rarity: [cut to Rarity's home, she looks in her bag to find her diary missing] -most evil pony in Equestria! How could my own sister steal my private diary? How could my own sister be... Gabby Gums?
- Diamond Tiara: [early in the morning] That's it, Gabby Gums is out of time. Run these instead, I want this paper on every street corner in Ponyville!
- [she hands him a folder with an alternate article]
- Press Pony: Yes, ma'am!
- Sweetie Belle: [walks into the room with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo] Stop the presses!
- Press Pony: Uh... they haven't started yet.
- Scootaloo: We have a Gabby Gums column!
- [holds up a notepad]
- Diamond Tiara: Hmph, you're lucky I'm nice.
- [she tosses the column to the transcribers, who begin typing it]
- Diamond Tiara: This better not happen again, or else.
- Diamond Tiara: [sighs] Well done, Diamond Tiara, you've averted yet another crisis with your amazing diplomatic skills.
- [sees Dinky Doo reading the latest issue; gasps]
- Diamond Tiara: "An open letter to Ponyville by Gabby Gums"? What is this?
- [tosses her away]
- Diamond Tiara: Ooh, they're not gonna get away with this! I'll publish those photos tomorrow! They messed with the wrong pony!
- Diamond Tiara: Alright, listen up. The Foal Free Press is a *joke*.
- Students: Huh?
- Diamond Tiara: Nopony at this school takes it seriously. Well I, the editor-in-chief in charge, am going to deliver us to new found glory!
- [pause]
- Truffle Shuffle: [from the back of the classroom] Yay!
- Diamond Tiara: First things first. Where's the staff photographer? Get out there and document *everything*. *I'll* decide what's important. The rest of you, I want hard-hitting news and interesting thinkpieces. No more Namby-Pamby stories like last year's editor.
- Ruby Pinch: But Namby-Pamby was a great editor.
- Diamond Tiara: Well, there's a new regime now, and I want juicy stories, the juicier the better! Now get out there and report!
- Rarity: Et tu, Gabby Gums?
- Sweetie Belle: [gasps] You know? How'd you find out?
- Rarity: The gilded pages of your betrayal!
- Sweetie Belle: Oh yeah.
- Rarity: How could you do this to me? You stole my secret diary and published it for all the world to read! Gossip can be a very hurtful thing. It is an invasion of privacy, just like when I snooped through your saddlebag. You didn't like that much, did you?
- Sweetie Belle: No...
- Rarity: What is important is that you understand how your column makes the ponies that you're writing about feel!
- Sweetie Belle: I *do* understand, and we've all been feeling guilty, but we just want our cutie marks so badly!
- Rarity: Do you really think that writing nasty things and making everypony feel horrible is your destiny?
- Sweetie Belle: Well, when you put it that way...
- Apple Bloom: Aw, c'mon, Applejack! You're not mad at us too, are you?
- Applejack: Yup.
- Apple Bloom: You're not even gonna talk to us?
- Applejack: Nope.
- Big Macintosh: You should be ashamed of yourself, humiliatin' your sister 'n' me like that. We don't wanna talk to any y'all right now so take your little gossip column and your embarrassing photographs and just *go away*!
- Cheerilee: Well, staff, I guess I gave a little too much authority to a first-time editor. I'm sorry, Diamond Tiara, I have to strip you of your title.
- [she hits the wall, making Diamond Tiara's portrait retract back into the rolling holder]
- Diamond Tiara: [growls]
- Cheerilee: And for the next editor of the Foal Free Press...
- [Diamond Tiara blows a raspberry at the Cutie Mark Crusaders]
- Cheerilee: ...here's your new editor-in-chief, Featherweight!
- Students: [cheering]
- Diamond Tiara: Oh, him? But what about *me*?
- Press Pony: Here ya go!
- [he hands her a visor and apron]
- Press Pony: I've been promoted to staff photographer!
- [she slips in the ink of the printing press and falls into it; everypony laughs]