Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Why We Gave Up Women (2012)

Ashton Kutcher: Walden Schmidt

Quotes 

• Walden Schmidt : [filling out forms when Alan has to go to the Emergency Room]  I want him to have the best possible care, so whatever it takes, I'll pay for it.

  Nurse Lorna : You're gonna have to. The man's got the worst insurance policy I've ever seen... He's got a $500,000 deductible... Even at our prices, he ain't gonna hit that with one heart attack.

  Walden Schmidt : All right, well, I'll just... I'll take care of it.

  Nurse Lorna : Just check the box 'Domestic Partner'.

  Walden Schmidt : Oh, no, we're just buddies.

  Nurse Lorna : We got no 'Buddy' forms.

  Walden Schmidt : Yeh, but...

  Nurse Lorna : Just check the damn box.

  [he checks the damn box, and walks away] 

  Nurse Lorna : [under her breath]  Come out, come out, wherever you are.

  Dr. Kim : [later, the Doctor arrives with news]  OK, well, your boyfriend's gonna be fine.

  Walden Schmidt : Oh, that's great. He's not my... If th... It's great...

  Zoey : [she thinks Alan might have been faking]  Did he actually have a heart attack?

  Dr. Kim : It was a mild one, but yes.

  Walden Schmidt : Told you!

  Dr. Kim : He should be fine. He's just gonna need rest, and as little stress as possible.

  Zoey : For how long?

  Dr. Kim : I don't know, at least a month or two.

  Zoey : [disgusted]  Great!

  Dr. Kim : [confidentially to Walden]  That's why we gave up women, am I right?

  Walden Schmidt : [to himself]  It's a compelling argument.