- Andy Bellefleur: We assaulted a prisoner today! Now, Joe Bob's a son of a bitch, but it is my job to protect son of a bitches, too, and vampires and shifters and werechickens and whatever the fuck else is out there!
- Jason Stackhouse: World's going to hell in a hand bucket.
- Pam De Beaufort: Just because we drank a bitch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle. Get the fuck back to work.
- Tara Thornton: Suck me, vampire Barbie!
- Eric Northman: [to Molly] I'm a thousand years older than you. Put the baby fangs away before you piss me off.
- Sookie Stackhouse: You see anything?
- Lafayette Reynolds: [Looking in a mirror] Yep. One fine-ass motherfucker with pretty new eyelashes. L
- Sookie Stackhouse: Lafayette, seriously. There was a creepy spirit thingy in this bathroom. Now, are you gonna help me find out what it was or are you just gonna stare at your vain-ass self all night?
- Lafayette Reynolds: Okay.
- [Closes eyes]
- Lafayette Reynolds: Creepy spirit thingy, why you in Sookie bathroom? Hello?
- [Opens eyes]
- Lafayette Reynolds: I'm sorry, Sook. I ain't got no goddamn clue how this shit work. I ain't Whoopi Goldberg in "Ghost", although I am way prettier.
- Sookie Stackhouse: You heard from Tara?
- Lafayette Reynolds: I texted her about 50 times, and this all she wrote... "Bitch, stop texting me or I will eat you."
- Sookie Stackhouse: Sounds like she's doing better.
- Lafayette Reynolds: She ain't been pissed at me this long since I stole her boyfriend in eighth grade.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Maybe this is what Gran's trying to tell me; that Bud Dearborne knows something.
- Lafayette Reynolds: She could have just said so. Dead folk, why y'all gotta be so cryptic? It ain't cute.
- Andy Bellefleur: We got two Obamas so far, Junior and Joe Bob. These guys are Bon Temps born and bred. What else they got in common?
- Jason Stackhouse: Both got dumb-ass white-trash names starting with J.
- Molly: Please tell me you have a plan to get us out of here.
- Eric Northman: Uh, you were it.
- Molly: Well, that's great. Level one protocols. I only have level three clearance, genius! The lockdown system is DNA specific-...
- Eric Northman: I don't speak techie. Translate.
- Molly: We're totally fucking fucked.
- Pam De Beaufort: There are two things I try to stay away from: humans who eat a lot of fish and politics. So whatever comes next, we keep our heads down, our tits up, and the Tru Blood flowing.
- Jason Stackhouse: [to security] Hey, don't let her out of your sight. I don't care if she's sleeping or taking a dump.
- Jessica Hamby: Jason, I don't take dumps. And I'm gonna be fine. Don't worry about me. Only worry about Hoyt. I still can't feel him. It's like there's nothing, just emptiness. And, God, it's like he's asleep or-...
- Jason Stackhouse: Don't even say it.
- Jessica Hamby: I wish I could stay and help.
- Jason Stackhouse: Well, being a vampire's got its perks... the no dumping and all... but getting deep-fried when the sun comes up sure evens the playing field. Look, I got this covered. It's what I'm trained for. Hoyt's gonna be fine.
- Deputy Kevin Ellis: Joe Bob visited this same website over 500 times; www.KeepAmericaHuman.com.
- Andy Bellefleur: [Reads] "The Human Patriot Manifesto, Part 1. Vampires and other covert mutants are stealing our jobs, buying our politicians, controlling the media, and seducing our children. If we have any chance of keeping America human, brave citizens like us have got to stand up and fight back."
- Deputy Kenya Jones: Yeah, if they're so brave, then why the Obama masks, hmm?
- Deputy Kevin Ellis: 'Cause it's like patriotic or ironic or something.
- Jason Stackhouse: Maybe it's 'cause they don't wanna get recognized.
- Deputy Kenya Jones: [Rolls eyes] God help us.
- Andy Bellefleur: Obamas aren't just shooting shifters.
- Jason Stackhouse: They're strapping vampires in the sun, melting 'em like marshmallows.
- Man: [On video] Death to supes! Long live the Dragon. Long live the Dragon.
- Jason Stackhouse: Aw, shit me. There are dragons now, too.
- Local Bon Temps Reporter: Sheriff Bellefleur, is it true that Barack Obama is actually behind the recent unsolved shootings and the kidnapping of a local vampire?
- Andy Bellefleur: No. The President of the United States is not actually in Renard Parish shooting and kidnapping people.
- Russell Edgington: I first started collecting werewolves in Scandinavia almost 2,000 years ago. My first was a lovely werebitch named Gisla. Oh. Whitest pelt, greenest eyes, loyal like you wouldn't believe, even before I gave her my blood. But after... oh, oh, oh! She'd rip apart anything that looked at me sideways. You think dogs are good pets, wait till you try a werewolf on V.
- Steve Newlin: I've never had a pet. My father was allergic to everything except God.