Weeds (TV Series)

Red in Tooth and Claw (2012)

Justin Kirk: Andy Botwin

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Quotes 

• Andy Botwin : It is a shockingly common occurrence in my life that women are gifted unto me, seemingly, with very little effort on my part, and at a certain point after the ludicrous bounty, you have to finally wonder why? Is it because I'm so just baseline physically attractive? Debatable. More likely it's cause is this: karma. I motherfuckin' earned it. I was the fecal molecule of a maggot 50 lives ago, 49 lives ago a parasite on a sea cucumber, worked my way up from there paying my reincarnitory dues--coral, an ear wig, a sewer rat, a grackle, ginny foul, clown fish, ocelot, eventually vaulting up the evolutionary chain to dog, but like a shitty small dog, failed immediately by PARVO or K-9 SIDS, monkey, monkey down to otter, monkey, chimp, and then finally human, *but*, oops, *fuck*, I'm a child sex slave and I live in a whale. But, in all these incarnations, I was good and kind and humble and accepted my fate patiently. So, thus, after an endless series of short, oft brutal lives... I was finally, finally,*finally* born as me... Andrew Botwinm effortless receiver of tail. It's just a theory, of course, but if it's not biology and it's not karma, then there is a puppet master out there who enjoys watching me get my freak on, and that would mean God basically, and I would have to rethink, well, everything.

• Skating referee : If you can catch me, you can fuck me.

  Andy Botwin : Yeah, I'll get my skates.