- Lisa: So, I kill people? And I'm *dead*?
- Kenzi Malikov: On the bright side, "killer dead babysitter"; the TV movie writes itself!
- Kenzi Malikov: One time, this evil creature called a Kitsune kidnapped her and put her in a cave
- Ethan: This is getting scary.
- Kenzi Malikov: But Superkenz, she was really smart too. She whooped that ginger bitch's ass, escaped the cave. And succubus-ed a whole frat house on the way home, just for kicks.
- Ethan: You just said the "b" word, the "a" word and ginger! I wanna be like Superkenz.
- Kenzi Malikov: Now, you're sure that this gated community isn't built on an ancient burial ground? Portal to hell?
- Lisa: Something happened to Tim Parker.
- Kenzi Malikov: Did you accidentally sacrifice a virgin?
- Bo: Kenzi...
- Kenzi Malikov: What? It happens.
- Kenzi Malikov: Once upon a time there was this superhero. Named... Superkenz.
- Ethan: Why was he a superhero?
- Kenzi Malikov: She, dumbass. I dunno. Because she was awesome.
- Ethan: What were her powers?
- Kenzi Malikov: If you're gonna back seat drive this thing I'm not even gonna bother.
- Kenzi Malikov: You have to eat something, Ethan.
- Ethan: No!
- Kenzi Malikov: Do you know what they do to little kids who don't eat their dinner? They come after them in the middle of the night, from closets and under the bed.
- Ethan: What does?
- Kenzi Malikov: Goblins! To eat *you* for dinner.
- [Sudden realization]
- Kenzi Malikov: Oh, my God, I sound like my mother.
- Kenzi Malikov: SuperKenz wasn't just any human. Not only did she have killer personal style, but she had a smorgasbord of powers. Her sense of smell was a strong as a wolf's. And when she sang, she could knock people out just like a Siren.
- Ethan: What's a Siren?
- Kenzi Malikov: A douchebag who wears stupid hats.
- Bo: I'm looking for a fresh start, actually We both are. My sister Kenzi here just left rehab.
- Kenzi Malikov: Anti-depressants. Turns out there is such a thing as "too perky".
- Susan: And you?
- Bo: Well, my partner Laur - -ence and I we're taking a break.
- Kenzi Malikov: He left her at the altar. For our other sister. I can't even...
- Susan: Oh, sweetie, you'll be better off for it. I learned that after my second divorce.
- Susan: I hate stupid book club. And gluten-free bread. And killing innocent people!
- Caroline: Tim wasn't innocent! He cheated on me! Over and over and over!
- Susan: I'm talking about Sam! The hot new dad on the block. Who rejected you when you tried to sleep with him.
- Caroline: Nobody rejects me.
- Susan: Ha! Everyone does! Our yoga instructor, our mechanic, Eleanor's eighteen year old son! Suck on that vegan energy bar, you bitch!