- Nostalgia Chick: [on Magic Stroller Baby] For the discerning future mother who is ready to graduate from magic cartel for infants to magic cartel for toddlers. Buy it, because the baby kicks.
- Nostalgia Chick: Yeah, next thing you know, they're gonna make Baby Tie-In.
- [cut to McDonald Happy Meal Girl ad]
- Nostalgia Chick: Oh, for fuck sake.
- Nostalgia Chick: [rolls a Baby Tumble Surprise down the stairs, pretending it's real] That's a terrible surprise.
- Nostalgia Chick: [as narrator] When Baby Death Wish sees an electrical socket, watch out! She'll want to stick something in it.
- Babysitter #1: Hey, I thought you were watching the baby.
- Babysitter #2: I thought *you* were watching the baby.
- Babysitter #1: [there's an off-screen electrocution] Baby Death Wish!
- Babysitter #2: Not again!