- J.D. Lutz: Every time I get a good thing going, I do something stupid and blow it. You want to know the reason why Lutz is alone? Lutz! And Dollhouse penis syndrome.
- Liz Lemon: Oh, my God. I'm female Lutz.
- J.D. Lutz: I love you too.
- Liz Lemon: No, I mean I'm my own worst enemy. Do you want to know the reason Liz is alone? Liz. Also I menstruate a lot. Oh, God, does this mean I have to change? I have to go back and be the bigger person? What if Criss already left and I have to go find him? It's so cold. Oh, realizations are the worst.
- Liz Lemon: [talking on her cellphone on the street] You can never sleep with her, never, never, ever, ever Never, ever, ever...
- [still talking, walking up stairs to her apartment]
- Liz Lemon: ... never, ever, ever, ever!
- Jack Donaghy: I get it, Lemon. Thank you. Just hearing your labored breathing while you walk up stairs has purged me of all sexual desire.
- Hazel Wassername: You're the head writer of TGS? But you're so beautiful.
- Liz Lemon: Charlie what now?
- Hazel Wassername: I love your brown hair. It's so bouncy, like the "after" picture in a lice ad.
- Liz Lemon: Thank you. It's from intermittent washing.
- Hazel Wassername: And you own this place?
- Liz Lemon: Yeah.
- Hazel Wassername: Holy Moly, there's stairs? And a dining room table? Is this your boyfriend?
- Liz Lemon: Yeah. He made me dinner.
- Hazel Wassername: Mashed potatoes in a Martini glass! Who are you, the president? Of France?
- Hazel Wassername: Excuse me? I have a package for Liz Lemon.
- Liz Lemon: Sure, come in.
- Hazel Wassername: You're the head writer at TGS? But you're so beautiful.
- Liz Lemon: Charlie what now?
- Hazel Wassername: I love your brown hair. It's so bouncy, like the "after" picture in a lice ad.
- Liz Lemon: Thank you. It's from intermittent washing.
- Hazel Wassername: And you own this place?
- Liz Lemon: Yeah.
- Hazel Wassername: Holy moly, there's stairs? And a dining room table? Is this your boyfriend?
- Liz Lemon: Yeah. He made me dinner.
- Hazel Wassername: Mashed potatoes in a martini glass. Who are you, the president? Of France?
- Liz Lemon: I know, right?
- Hazel Wassername: You are an inspiration, Liz Lemon.
- Dr. Leo Spaceman: You know, it's funny. If those teeth were in your vagina, you'd be considered a monster.