- Barney Stinson: [Dressed up as a sailor, singing at Marshall and Lily's door] Bro bro bro your broat, gently to the bar. Hit on some sluts then do 10 shots...
- [Marshall shuts the door on him]
- Barney Stinson: [Dressed up as a farmer,singing at Marshall and Lily's door] Bro MacDonald had a farm, ee i ee i bro. And on that farm he had some chicks, eei ee i bro. With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there...
- [Marshall shuts the door on him]
- Barney Stinson: [singing outside Marshall and Lily's door] The boobs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down. The boobs on the bus go up and down...
- [Marshal closes the door. About three seconds later, he opens it again]
- Barney Stinson: ...All through the town.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Walking outside with Lily] You smell that? That's the smell of urine that isn't Marvin's.
- Barney Stinson: If Ted raises him the poor kids still gonna be a virgin when he's 13. I'm the obvious choice.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Hey look, as the only one here packin a vag I got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that plus I could teach him how to bow hunt!
- Ted Mosby: If called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin.
- Robin Scherbatsky: If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Teds your guy. If you want him pulling the cord on some other nerds panties, I'm your guy.
- Barney Stinson: You know, I should have told you about that six-and-a-half sooner. Barney Stinson banging anything less than an eight? That's like a fifteen!
- Barney Stinson: It will be legen-no I'm not waiting for it, and neither should Marvin, so maybe you two should just die right now-dary!
- Robin Scherbatsky: [What she would tell Marvin if Marshall and Lily died] Alright, kid. Here's the deal with the deal: Your Mom and Dad are done, ski bellyflopped off a subway platform. Mom; busted open like a Piñata. What was left of your Dad hung around for a few days. Anyway, plugs pulled, organs donated, long story short, I'm your new mummy now.
- Robin Scherbatsky: You know where you're headed, chief? The British Columbia Military School for Boys. Of course, you're actually a boy, so at least you won't have to shave all your hair off and burn your girly clothing in an old oil drum while your father stands there and laughs at you through the flames.
- Marshall Eriksen: I think Robin wins this round... Because we love her and she's in a safe space. Right guys?