- Alan Harper: [Lyndsey is obviously troubled about something] Where is this coming from all of a sudden?
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: Oh, something my gynecologist said.
- Alan Harper: Are you all right?
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: I'm fine. He said, 'Everything looks great down here. Would you like to have dinner sometime?'
- Alan Harper: Wow. Wow. That is wildly inappropriate. I mean, as a Doctor myself...
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: A chiropractor.
- Alan Harper: [defensive] Nonetheless, I am a healer. There's a code. I mean, you don't ask someone out when they're buck-naked with their feet in the stirrups. Unless you're drunk at a rodeo... And just for the record, he gets paid to go down there. I do it for the love of the game.
- Alan Harper: I want to ask your opinion about something. Lyndsey has been pushing me to make a committment because some other guy asked her out.
- Walden Schmidt: Who asked her out?
- Alan Harper: Her gynecologist.
- Walden Schmidt: [with a devilish grin] Well, at least he knows what he's gettin' into.
- Alan Harper: Cute. But I mean, I don't want to lose Lyndsey, but I'm just not ready to make a committment.
- Walden Schmidt: My advice is you better do something soon, or you're out and the Doctor's in. And when I say the Doctor's in, I mean...
- Alan Harper: No, I got it, I got it.
- Sid: When you get to be my age, always bring a big, plastic cup into the john.
- Alan Harper: Why?
- Sid: You gotta lower the water level, or your nuts get wet.