- Ron Swanson: Recently, I made a chair. When I was finished, I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana fine woodworking association, who felt it merited consideration for an award. It's been a real whirlwind.
- Leslie Knope: By Swanson standards, we're close. I know when your birthday is.
- Ron Swanson: So does Baskin-Robbins.
- Ben Wyatt: So Gale and Jerry...
- Chris Traeger: I've thought about it a lot; there's no logical explanation.
- Leslie Knope: [Diane] left because of me. She's threatened by our relationship.
- Ron Swanson: [laughs] That's ridiculous. I don't think of you romantically - you're pro-government, you never stop talking, and you have blonde hair. You're my worst nightmare!
- Leslie Knope: Excuse me, one man's 'Worst Nightmare' is every other man's 'Total Package.'