- Fiona Goode: Now, I've read all your files, and you're never gonna become great women of our clan sitting around here at Hogwarts, under the confused instruction of my daughter. We're going on a field trip. Jesus, go change your clothes. Wear something... black.
- Fiona Goode: Each one of you has a unique gift, but that's not nearly enough to be a real witch.
- Madison Montgomery: And you're a real witch?
- Nan: She's the Supreme.
- Fiona Goode: [laughs] You know that one? She's smarter than all of you put together.
- Fiona Goode: What are we talking about? College boys? Taken in the prime of their lives, such a tragedy. Almost makes you want to cry, doesn't it? But then, the world's not gonna miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy t-shirts.
- Madison Montgomery: Who are you?
- Fiona Goode: You know, I've got to hand it to you - the bus flip... that's not easy. You are a sloppy little witch bitch.
- Madison Montgomery: Go to hell, you stupid hag.
- Cordelia Foxx: I have half a mind to enchant the locks after you leave.
- Fiona Goode: [laughs] Don't make me drop a house on you.
- Madison Montgomery: Owww! Stop it, you bitch!
- Queenie: Stop what? I don't feel nothin', I'm a human voodoo doll!
- Fiona Goode: [Takes a look at Madame LaLaurie's dated attire] Come on, Mary Todd Lincoln. I'll buy you a drink.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: My great literacy began with Greek mythology. I used to sit on daddy's lap and he would read me those stories - full of their vengeful gods and wondrous, miraculous creatures. But the Minotaur was *always* my favorite. Half man, half bull. And now, I have one of my very own.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Get off my property!
- Marie Laveau: I've heard that you are in need of my services.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: What could a Negress have that I would ever want?
- Marie Laveau: Mo pélé Marie Laveau. I have the cure for you husband's affliction. His compulsion for young ladies.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I'll have you flogged for your insolence!
- Marie Laveau: A love potion to ensure fidelity.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: If the potion entrances as you promise, your future's assured.
- Marie Laveau: To our future together.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Salud.
- [Sips the potion]
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Mmm. It's like honeysuckle.
- [She finishes every last drop and starts to relax, but then feels uneasy. She falls to the floor, groans, gasps for air and coughs up blood]
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Get it out of me!
- [She lies still with her eyes wide open, as if she's dead, as Marie Laveau watches intently]
- Madison Montgomery: You wanna be my slave tonight?
- Archie: What's in it for me?
- Madison Montgomery: Are you stupid? Slaves get nothing. Now why don't you get me another drink.
- Tour Guide: Uh, excuse me, you can't just barge in on the tour without purchasing a ticket.
- Fiona Goode: You're giving us a tour for free.
- Tour Guide: Free! of course.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: [Preparing for her blood facial] Ohhh, I'm runnin' out! We gon' have to get some more.
- Borquita LaLaurie: No! Please don't make me.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: You think I wanna do this? You can blame your father and his fresh-faced whore! Unless you'd like to split your inheritance with an endless parade of colored bastards.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: My youngest, Pauline, well, her major talent has yet to reveal itself.
- Pauline LaLaurie: Perhaps my talent is in the boudoir, mother dear.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I guess we'll find out on your wedding night, mon petit.
- Madison Montgomery: Wasn't this house owned by the guy in 'Face/Off'?
- Tour Guide: Correct! The actor Nicolas Cage, was a previous owner.