Family Guy (TV Series)

Brian's Play (2013)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Captain Seamus, Big Bird, Jasper, Dr. Elmer Hartman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stewie Griffin : [to Brian]  I knew my play was good, just like I knew your play was a mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired clichés. You have no idea how hard it was to sit in that theater with all those braying hyenas. Couldn't you tell something was up when Chris and the fat man could follow the plot? I mean, it took Peter a year to figure out "Stuart Little."

  Peter Griffin : [Cutaway to Peter lying awake in bed next to a sleeping Lois. He snaps his fingers and sits up]  I just figured it out. "Stuart" means mouse.

  Lois Griffin : No, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Little means mouse?

  Lois Griffin : No, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : I feel so old and in the way.

• Brian : [catches a squirrel to take it out on]  You suck! And your play sucks too!

  Squirrel : This isn't about me, is it?

  Brian : [cries]  No. And I'm sorry. But no-one can ever know that

  [kills the squirrel] 

• Brian : You know, Stewie, I have seen your play and it is exhilarating to me. A child's play is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Continue to play, little one. You are our future.

  Stewie Griffin : What the fuck are you talking about?

• Stewie Griffin : I can't believe we're going to the theater the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle. I mean, don't we need a day to clear our heads?

• Stewie Griffin : [to Lois]  Close your purse. I can see your tampons. And why do you need six? What happens to you?

• Consuela : When he going to meet Evita?

  Glenn Quagmire : Not every play is "Evita."

• Brian : [Stewie's given him a homemade "Official Good Dog" Badge]  "Good Dog". And it's Official? I wish my Dad was alive to see this...