Community (TV Series)

Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations (2013)

James Brolin: William Winger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Britta Perry : You came back!

  Jeff Winger : [to William]  I'm sorry. You should take some credit for who I've become.

  William Winger : Okay.

  Jeff Winger : So let me tell you how I turned out, just so you're crystal clear on your impact. I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I'm constantly texting, and there's no one at the other end. I'm just a grown man who can't even look his own friends in the eye for too long because I'm afraid that they'll see that I am broken. So you get credit for that.

  William Winger : Oh, come on, now...

  Jeff Winger : One time, when I was in seventh grade, I told everyone at school that I had appendicitis. I wanted someone to worry about me. But when Beth Brannon asked to see the scar, I didn't wanna get found out, so I took Mom's scissors, and I made one. It hurt like hell, but it was worth it, because I got 17 cards. And I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 22 years later, because it proves that someone, at some point, cared about me. You wanna see the scar? So you get credit for that too. This is me.

  William Winger : Look, Jeff, I, uh...

  [eyes shift back and forth, then widen, groans loudly, drops champagne flutes, clutching his chest and bends over] 

  Willy : Daddy!

  Jeff Winger : Are you *faking* a heart attack?

  William Winger : [sheepishly]  Kind of a Hail Mary.

  Jeff Winger : Happy Thanksgiving, dad.

• William Winger : [after fighting with Willy]  I'm sorry you guys had to see that, but maybe you could shrink his head, since you're here, for some reason.

  Britta Perry : Yes. I can do this.

  [Runs after Willy] 

  Britta Perry : Show me on the dinner roll where you're hurt!

• Jeff Winger : Hello, William.

  William Winger , Britta Perry : So, uh... how about we make a couple of ground rules?

  Jeff Winger : Actually, that sounds good. Okay. No hugs.

  William Winger : Wouldn't want one. No apologies.

  Jeff Winger : Wouldn't accept one. No calling you "dad."

  William Winger : No expectations.

  Jeff Winger : No B.S.

  William Winger : Drink?

  Jeff Winger : Scotch.

  William Winger : 18?

  Jeff Winger : Neat.

  Britta Perry : I just want to acknowledge that there are a lot of emotions flowing right now, and you two are probably feeling a strong impulse to sleep with each other,

  [Jeff does a double take] 

  Britta Perry : and hey, that's normal.

  William Winger : [look of confusion and disgust]  Wow. I'll get the drinks.

• William Winger : [Willy throws a bread roll at his father]  Damn it, Willy!

  Willy : I'm expressing.

  William Winger : Knock it off. Why can't you just swallow it like any normal person?

  Willy : Oh, heh, heh. Oh! Right, like your new son. Like mister-- Mr. I've-Got-My-Shirt--

  [to Jeff] 

  Willy : I don't know personal details about you.

  Jeff Winger : Well, my name's Jeff.

  Willy : Don't help me, Mr. Helper-Guy.

• William Winger : Oh, I see you've met Willy Junior.

  Willy : You said he wasn't going to replace me. He's the Schwarzenegger. I'm the DeVito. I get it.

  [chuckles maniacally]