Community (TV Series)
Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations (2013)
Gillian Jacobs: Britta Perry
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : You came back!
Jeff Winger : [to William] I'm sorry. You should take some credit for who I've become.
William Winger : Okay.
Jeff Winger : So let me tell you how I turned out, just so you're crystal clear on your impact. I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I'm constantly texting, and there's no one at the other end. I'm just a grown man who can't even look his own friends in the eye for too long because I'm afraid that they'll see that I am broken. So you get credit for that.
William Winger : Oh, come on, now...
Jeff Winger : One time, when I was in seventh grade, I told everyone at school that I had appendicitis. I wanted someone to worry about me. But when Beth Brannon asked to see the scar, I didn't wanna get found out, so I took Mom's scissors, and I made one. It hurt like hell, but it was worth it, because I got 17 cards. And I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 22 years later, because it proves that someone, at some point, cared about me. You wanna see the scar? So you get credit for that too. This is me.
William Winger : Look, Jeff, I, uh...
[eyes shift back and forth, then widen, groans loudly, drops champagne flutes, clutching his chest and bends over]
Willy : Daddy!
Jeff Winger : Are you *faking* a heart attack?
William Winger : [sheepishly] Kind of a Hail Mary.
Jeff Winger : Happy Thanksgiving, dad.
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Annie Edison : Ugh. I'll be with my family, fielding the same old questions. "How's community college?" "What's your major?" "Are those real?"
Britta Perry : [gasps]
Annie Edison : My aunt's boyfriend.
Troy Barnes : [sarcastically] "Oh, my family's a normal religion, I have to talk to them for five minutes before I get a casserole that's all marshmallow." That's you.
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William Winger : [after fighting with Willy] I'm sorry you guys had to see that, but maybe you could shrink his head, since you're here, for some reason.
Britta Perry : Yes. I can do this.
[Runs after Willy]
Britta Perry : Show me on the dinner roll where you're hurt!
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Jeff Winger : Look, you're probably feeling a very strong urge to sleep with me right now, and that is normal.
Britta Perry : [scoffs] Sha.
Jeff Winger : Britta, thank you. You were right. You're not going to get all "jock jams" on me, are you?
Britta Perry : [chuckle-snort] No, of course not. I left my boom box at school.
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Jeff Winger : Hello, William.
William Winger , Britta Perry : So, uh... how about we make a couple of ground rules?
Jeff Winger : Actually, that sounds good. Okay. No hugs.
William Winger : Wouldn't want one. No apologies.
Jeff Winger : Wouldn't accept one. No calling you "dad."
William Winger : No expectations.
Jeff Winger : No B.S.
William Winger : Drink?
Jeff Winger : Scotch.
William Winger : 18?
Jeff Winger : Neat.
Britta Perry : I just want to acknowledge that there are a lot of emotions flowing right now, and you two are probably feeling a strong impulse to sleep with each other,
[Jeff does a double take]
Britta Perry : and hey, that's normal.
William Winger : [look of confusion and disgust] Wow. I'll get the drinks.
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Britta Perry : Psychology tells us there are no accidents.
Jeff Winger : Oh, really? What about car accidents? Tara Reid, or the Hindenburg?
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Britta Perry : I have an idea. Why don't we use these dinner rolls to do some role play? I see what I did there.
Willy : Okay. This roll, this is me. He's crying.
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Britta Perry : So, Troy, how was your first real Thanksgiving?
Troy Barnes : No offense to Shirley, but I don't see what the fuss is about. Thanksgiving's the wors...
