- [Dean puts a free bottle of beer in front of Castiel]
- Castiel: You really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?
- Dean Winchester: What show *you* been watchin'?
- Crowley: Hello, boys. What's that old expression? "Success has many fathers; failure is a Winchester"? Where's the stone?
- Dean Winchester: You show us yours and we'll show you ours.
- Crowley: Really, Dean? I'm trying to conduct a professional negotiation here and you want to talk dangly bits?
- Sam Winchester: [Weakened, pale and sick, barely able to stand. His hand is bleeding from a cut, ready to take the last step of this third trial] Look at him. Look at him. Look how close we are. Other people will die if I don't finish this!
- Dean Winchester: Think about it. Think about what we know. Huh? Pulling souls from Hell. Curing demons. Hell, ganking a hell hound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But, I can't do it without you.
- Sam Winchester: You can barely do it *with* me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?
- Dean Winchester: C'mon, man, that's not what I meant.
- Sam Winchester: No, it's exactly what you meant. Do you wanna know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? Was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.
- Dean Winchester: Sam...
- Sam Winchester: What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted? Again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel? Another...
- [fighting tears]
- Sam Winchester: ... another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your *brother*...
- Dean Winchester: Just hold it. Hold on!
- [Desperate to make Sam understand and believe]
- Dean Winchester: You seriously think that? Because none of it- *none* of it- is true! Listen, man, I know we've had... our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy... C'mon... I killed Benny... to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard, and all the sons o' bitches that killed Mom, *walk* because of you. Don't you *dare*... think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has * never* been like that! *Ever*! I *need* you to see that. I'm beggin' you.
- Sam Winchester: [Shaking, extremely weak] How do I stop?
- Dean Winchester: [Steps up to Sam, his voice softer] Just let it go.
- Sam Winchester: I can't. It's in me, Dean. You don't know what this feels like.
- Dean Winchester: Hey, listen.
- [Wrapping a kerchief around Sam's bleeding hand]
- Dean Winchester: We will figure it out, okay?
- [He gives Sam a smile]
- Dean Winchester: Just like we always do. C'mon.
- [He grabs Sam in a hug]
- Dean Winchester: C'mon. Let it go. Okay? Let it go, brother.
- [Sam notices the glow leaving his arms and pulls away to show Dean]
- Dean Winchester: See?
- [Then Sam collapses, screaming in pain]
- [Sam stands Crowley in the chair upright]
- Crowley: Aah. You did good back there, Moose. Yeah, I'll deny it i-if you ever quote me... but- but, man. I'm proud of you.
- Sam Winchester: [picks up a spray-paint can] Thanks.
- Crowley: Hold on. Uh, w-what's that?
- Sam Winchester: It's what it looks like.
- [Sam sprays over a sliver of wood bridging the gap in the Devil's Trap]
- Crowley: Are you joking? I just saved your life.
- Sam Winchester: [laughs] Seriously?
- Crowley: "Seriously?" Me, "Seriously?" We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the- the Rape of Nanking, together! And still you're going to do me like this?
- [Sam injects Crowley a sixth time]
- Crowley: Aah! Aah! "Band of Brothers"? "The Pacific"? None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO? Not once? "Girls"!
- [Sam looks back at Crowley quizzically]
- Crowley: You're my Marnie, Moose. A-and Hannah, she just- she *needs* to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all? You, me? We deserve to be loved.
- Crowley: [shouting emotionally] I deserve to be loved!
- Crowley: [softly, almost whispering] I just want to be loved.
- Sam Winchester: What?
- Crowley: [as if he didn't hear] What?
- [Crowley's expression changes as he realizes what he's been saying and feeling]
- Crowley: Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was going to notice, numb nuts?
- Abaddon: [flicks open the doors and walks in] Hello, boys.
- Crowley: That's *my* line. Abaddon? They told me you were dead.
- Abaddon: So not.
- Crowley: And the rest of the calvary?
- Abaddon: Oh no, it's just little old unkillable me.
- [Sam grabs his gun, but Abaddon flicks him into the wall, throwing off the aim of his shot and losing his gun]
- Crowley: Brilliant! Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight! Say your prayers, Moose!
- [Abaddon flicks Sam out the stained glass window]
- Crowley: [smiling] That'll do. Undo these. I'll kill him myself.
- [Abaddon slowly walks around to stand in front of Crowley. Under her leather jacket, she's wearing a T-shirt reading "The Devil made me do it."]
- Abaddon: That was an order, was it?
- Crowley: I am your king.
- Abaddon: About that...
- [Abaddon starts striking Crowley hard in the face]
- Abaddon: Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013?
- [Abaddon connects three more punches, knocking Crowley over in his chair]
- Crowley: Aah!
- Abaddon: Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.
- Metatron: What are you reading?
- Castiel: Personal advertisements. The faster that man finds love, the faster that Cupid will come. Trust me: I'm friends with friends who do this for a living.
- Dwight Charles: [walks over] Help you gents?
- Castiel: Yes. Would you say you're looking for a... partner in crime, or, uh, someone who is into nurse role-play and light domination?
- [he stares down Castiel, who stares back with an innocent, questioning look]
- Dwight Charles: Brother, it's 10 AM on a Tuesday...
- Metatron: [interrupting] Uh, we'll have two drafts, please.
- Dwight Charles: [eyeing Castiel] Coming up.
- [Dwight returns to behind the counter]
- Metatron: You're not the most subtle tool in the shed, are you?
- Kevin Tran: [looking at the Angel Tablet] Is this a joke?
- Castiel: No. It's the word of God.
- Kevin Tran: What?
- Dean Winchester: It's a tablet. All right? Translate. It's what you do.
- Kevin Tran: [chuckles] Okay. Um, it's the Angel Tablet, which I've never laid eyes on in my life. You want a translation in like six hours when it took me six months and a dead mom to translate a piece of the Demon Tablet?
- Kevin Tran: [chuckles, pouring a drink] And according to your own words, this morning, this is not what I do. It's what I *did*. You told me I was out, Dean.
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, well...
- Kevin Tran: And if this is going to be the "Guys Like Us are Never Out" speech, save it.
- Castiel: [teleports across the room, grabs Kevin by the collar and pulls him up close to his face, startling Kevin to drop his glass, shattering on the floor] Dean's right.
- Dean Winchester: Cass!
- Castiel: There is no "out". Only duty.
- Kevin Tran: Get the hell off me!
- Castiel: You are a Prophet of The Lord, always and forever!
- Castiel: [pauses, catches himself] ... Until the day you cease to exist and then another Prophet takes your place.
- [Dean rolls his eyes on Castiel's obligatory full disclosure]
- Castiel: [pushes Kevin to the table] Now, are you clear as to the task before you?
- [Kevin nods]
- Castiel: Then do it.
- Castiel: [to Dean] And let's go.
- [with the rustle of angelic wings, Dean and Castiel are gone]
- Dean Winchester: What's the good Father's playbook say now?
- Sam Winchester: Well, now that we got the consecrated ground, I just, uh... I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours, then seal the deal with a bloody fist sandwich. That should do it.
- Dean Winchester: Okay, the blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it? You ever, uh... you ever done the "Forgive me, Father" before?
- Sam Winchester: Once. When we were kids.
- [a surprised look crosses Dean's face]
- Sam Winchester: Which is why I have no clue what to say now.
- Dean Winchester: Um, well, I could give you a few suggestions, if you want.
- Sam Winchester: Uh, okay, yeah, sure.
- Dean Winchester: Okay, well. Just spit ballin' here,
- [Hesitating a bit, starts slowly]
- Dean Winchester: but if I were you... uh... Ruby? Killing Lilith. Letting Lucifer out.
- [Picking up speed now]
- Dean Winchester: Losing your soul. Not looking for me when I went to Purgatory.
- Sam Winchester: [Sardonically] Thanks.
- Dean Winchester: [Lifts his hands in a "Don't mind me" gesture] For starters.
- [Sam grabs his gear and heads to the door]
- Dean Winchester: Oh, hey, how 'bout, how about what you did to, uh, Penny Markle in the 6th grade?
- [With a smirk on his face]
- Dean Winchester: Why don't you lead with that?
- Sam Winchester: [Turns to Dean] Wait, that was you.
- Dean Winchester: [the smirk disappears and he looks away, hardening his voice] Carry on.
- [first lines]
- Nancy: [placing a red martini glass] On the house, Sheriff.
- Sheriff Jody Mills: Oh, thanks, Nance, but I didn't order...
- Crowley: So...
- Nancy: [whispering] Good luck.
- Crowley: [joining Jody in the booth] ... what are we drinking?
- Sheriff Jody Mills: Roderick?
- Crowley: Wow, Jody. Words cannot begin to describe the injustice that that picture does to you.
- Sheriff Jody Mills: [smiles, shyly chuckles] Come on.
- Metatron: [wakes up with blurry vision of someone] I know you.
- Naomi: We never officially met.
- Metatron: [chuckles] Naomi.
- Metatron: [he looks to the tray of instruments] Your reputation precedes you. The archangels...
- Naomi: [finishing] wanted me to debrief you after God left.
- Metatron: [chuckles] "Debrief" me. Is that what you call it?
- Naomi: Well, how would you know? You ran before I had the chance. But... here we are. I just have one question before we begin: you had to know that we would *leap* at the chance to extract all of God's secrets from that head of yours, which is why I ask myself, "Why? Why did the Scribe suddenly come in from the shadows?" And what are you doing with Castiel?
- Metatron: [pause] "Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content."
- [Naomi looks askance]
- Metatron: [contemptuous] Not a big reader, are we.
- [Naomi activates the drill and menaces Metatron's eye with it]
- Dean Winchester: We stop the trials, and you stop the killing.
- Crowley: I want the Demon Tablet -- the whole Demon Tablet.
- Dean Winchester: Fine, but then the Angel Tablet comes to us.
- Crowley: On what grounds
- Dean Winchester: On the grounds that you're a douche bag and no douche bag should have that much power.
- Dean Winchester: I'm down with sending the angels back to Heaven, just 'cause they're dicks. But the Demons? This is on us.
- Abaddon: Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make *you* the King of Hell.
- Dean Winchester: [Giving Kevin a key to the Men of Letter's bunker] All right, listen, this is a secret lair. You understand me? No keggers.
- Dean Winchester: Oh, come on, Kev! We're on the one-yard line here.
- Kevin Tran: Okay, and I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors -- you want to motivate me, "Magic" cards, "Skyrim," Aziz Ansari.
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, I don't know what those words mean.
- Dean Winchester: [At a billboard with a picture of the devil on an ad for "Dave & Paul's Chili Pot Restaurant"] You hid the Demon Tablet underneath the devil? Seriously?
- Kevin Tran: What? I was delirious.
- Metatron: now something wonderful is going to happen, for me and for you. I want you to live this new life to the fullest. Find a wife. Make babies. And when you die and your soul comes to Heaven, find me. Tell me your story.
- Dean Winchester: And the contract?
- [Crowley unfurls a massive scroll]
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there.
- Dean Winchester: Demonic handcuffs, jackass. No flicking, no teleporting, no smoking out -- oh, and... no deal. Which pretty much means that you're our bitch.