- Bart Simpson: TV's gotten so lousy.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Did you ever wonder if hippopotamuses think that rhinos are unicorns?
- Bart Simpson: TV's not so bad.
- Marge Simpson: [as Slava puts car on reverse] What are you doing?
- Slava: I'm trying to drive car backwards, like Russian economy under Putin.
- Marge Simpson: Stop making Putin jokes!
- Slava: You sound like police... under Putin.
- Homer Simpson: Marge has never seen my head naked. Maybe I can wear a cowboy hat.
- Rich Texan: Cowboy hat just means you have a small penis. And don't even ask me what this means.
- [Takes out guns and fires them in the air]
- Rich Texan: Yee-hah! I'm compensatin'!
- Sideshow Mel: You may think that the slide whistle is just a whistle that slides. Let me disprove you of that notion.
- [Plays "Flight of the Bumblebee" on slide whistle]
- Bart Simpson: Pass.
- Sideshow Mel: Do you have any idea how difficult...
- Bart Simpson: Pass!
- [Mel plays sad slide, then continues with "Flight of the Bumblebee]