- D.D.A. Emma Rios: I've got fifteen minutes to get to court and persuade the judge that Lloyd Gibbs is a credible witness being unfairly detained. Anybody care to come back me up?
- Detective Julio Sanchez: I will. This evidence is total bullshit.
- D.D.A. Emma Rios: Thank you. It's nice to know I have at least one friend here, Detective Lopez.
- Captain Sharon Raydor: I understand your frustration, but until we have orders to the contrary, LAPD officers are not required to babysit your witnesses.
- D.D.A. Emma Rios: Unless they're cute little blond boys, in which case you adopt them?
- Shampagne: Now, before anything else, you have to swear that you are not police or else this is enchantment.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: "Enchantment?"
- Captain Sharon Raydor: In addition to Lloyd, you should know that Shampagne is uncorked and ready to pour her story out to your jury.
- Lloyd Gibbs: A friend was with me last night.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: [shouts] I told you not to call anybody!
- Lloyd Gibbs: It wasn't just anybody! This is the most amazing woman in the world, I've known her since we were kids, we've dated off and on since high school, and you can believe her when she says I didn't kill anyone because she is honest, dependable, and absolutely not a prostitute.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: "Not a prostitute?"
- Lt. Louie Provenza: What is her name?
- Lloyd Gibbs: Her name is Shampagne - with an S - and she has a website.
- Shampagne: Oh, no. Is he okay?
- Lt. Andy Flynn: Oh, he's about thirty seconds from being charged with murder, but other than that, yeah, he's great.
- Shampagne: Will you give him my best? Oh, and tell him that I've got the "free moustache rides" sweatshirt that he left in my car.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: You know what? I've got a better idea. Why don't you come with us and you can tell him yourself?
- Lt. Mike Tao: Meanwhile, if there're some phone calls you'd like to make?
- Shampagne: My phone, finally. Maybe I can cancel some of these people before they think I stood them up.
- [phone vibrates]
- Shampagne: What did you do? It isn't working. It won't take my password. You people broke my phone!
- Lt. Mike Tao: Let me see if I can fix it. It's made in China.
- Scott Perry: I should've known all along that Shampagne would talk.
- Captain Sharon Raydor: Well, it is what she's paid to do.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: Flynn, be careful. Your blood pressure!
- Lt. Andy Flynn: What? What the...? You just told the entire world that I have high blood pressure. Now everyone knows.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: They didn't hear me. Nobody heard me, did they?
- Lt. Mike Tao: I heard you.
- Detective Julio Sanchez: You said "high blood pressure."
- Detective Amy Sykes: Explains a lot. I mean, not everything, but a lot.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: You see? What did I ask you?
- Lt. Louie Provenza: Just take it easy. Yank on your ear lobe or something.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: Don't tell me to take it easy, okay? I asked you to do one simple thing. Not tell anybody about my blood pressure! What do you do? You tell the world.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: It just slipped out!
- Lt. Andy Flynn: Oh, really?
- Lt. Louie Provenza: Really!
- Lt. Andy Flynn: Really?
- Lt. Louie Provenza: Really!
- Lt. Andy Flynn: Really?
- [falls down]
- Lloyd Gibbs: No, I'm not complaining, guys. You've both been awesome. First time I've ridden in a police car without my hands cuffed behind my back.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: Come on, what gives?
- Lt. Andy Flynn: All right, look, four weeks back, I fainted.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: Fainted? Why?
- Lt. Andy Flynn: I was at my ex-wife's house, sharing my reasonable opinions about all the money Nicole's wedding is costing.
- Lt. Louie Provenza: [Stammers] I-I didn't know your daughter was getting married. Well, congrats.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: Yeah, thanks.
- Lt. Andy Flynn: All right, anyway, one minute, I'm arguing with my ex-wife, and the next minute, I wake up in an ambulance with some guy asking me who the president is. Oh, and by the way, unless you want the full work-up, don't say Jimmy Carter.