- Pete and Steve immerse themselves in a Renaissance Faire as they search for a dangerous artifact which animated both a horseless chariot and a life-size chess piece and set them against the faire patrons. Meanwhile, Claudia risks combining artifacts in a desperate attempt to revive her sister Claire from her artifact-induced coma; Myka struggle to prevent Artie from finding out and stopping her.—Anonymous
- "Warehouse 13" - "A Faire to Remember" - April 28, 2014
We open on a Renaissance Faire with all the finery and tomfoolery that implies: a royal court, people in period guard, jesters, jugglers, jousting, etc. One juggler is terrible and people laugh at and heckle him. Suddenly another jester appears in a cloud of smoke and uses a jester artifact to put the whammy on the heckler and kills him. The jester disappears in another cloud of smoke.
At the B&B Pete is burning breakfast when Artie announces the new dark vault is installed and secure and they can come back to the Warehouse and he needs help putting artifacts back in.
Artie says they got a ping about the Renaissance faire -- which Pete is really excited about, he wants to be a knave. He and Jinks head off while Claudia and Myka are tasked to help Artie.
Pete and Jinks arrive at the Faire and Pete is excited and wants to rent a costume and Jinks puts the kibosh on it. They seek an audience with the King to get to the bottom of the death. The man playing the King also owns the Faire. He breaks character to talk about the weird jester, he says he's never seen him before and he was wearing a mask. There are so many people dressed as jesters they don't know how they'll narrow it down.
Claudia heads back to get her sister out of the artifact-induced coma. She busts into the Regent Chatelet and blacks out the security cameras. Myka tracks her down before she can do anything. Claudia says she's not leaving her like this. Myka said she just had a big wake-up call and life is short and she can't imagine hers without her sister. So, she asks what the plan is. Claudia says since the original artifact that messed up her sister is destroyed they're going to take the energy out of Claire and neutralize it by combining artifacts which Myka points out is extremely dangerous. Claudia says the danger is worth is and she wants to transfer the energy by using Bob Dylan's bus transfer, which represents his transition from acoustic to electric, into Volta's biscuit barrel to contain it.
Back at the Ren Faire Pete and Steve run down jesters to little luck. They go to talk to the bad juggler who was onstage at the time. He's at the dunk tank. He's known as a "doo-fer" the guy who fills in and does all the grunt work. He's mad he hasn't been promoted to knight after being a doofer for three seasons. Just then a runaway wagon barrels through the fairgrounds and Pete narrowly saves a little girl in its path. It just keeps barreling along out of sight.
Claudia and Myka work their artifact magic and Claire wakes from her coma.
The King comes by and claims it was all part of the show but asks Pete and Steve what the hell is going on since this is bad for business, they think the disgruntled doofer did it.
Claudia informs Claire about the coma, since she's confused that Claudia is no longer 7years old. She sees her reflection and that she's aged and Claudia tells her it's bee 15 years and she freaks out that she's 30. Claudia tells her not to worry. She freaks she missed prom and graduation and the Garbage concert. Claudia tells her it's going to be okay. Myka leaves and Claudia asks her to soften Artie up about this since he's not going to be happy about this. Myka turns, we see her eyes glow briefly and she says "I'll take care of Artie." The artifact power clearly went into her.
Back at the Ren Faire a crazy wizard is using something to send out electric bolts and the crowd is screaming and running. Steve zaps him with the Tesla but the wizard just redirects the electricity. He charges him and the wizard disappears. Pete tries to play it off like special effects and the greatest Ren Faire ever. The crowd reluctantly claps.
They question the doofer again.
Claudia brings Claire back to the B&B. She tries to explain an iPad and an Xbox. Claire is hating being in the future and starts to think it's just a weird dream. Claudia tells her it's not and it's going to be alright. Claire says it's not going to be alright. Claire says she's going to catch up fast because she did after she got out of the mental institution. She promises that they will catch her up. Claire does recognize her guitar which Claudia saved. She takes her to the coffee shop where she plays.
Artie is looking through artifacts that need to be refilled when Myka enters and startles him. She says Claudia is busy and they can handle it together. Artie says they're going to very carefully load the artifacts back into the dark vault and there can be no negative energy. Of course, that's all that Myka has right now and she starts getting angry and her eyes flash.
Steve and Pete think the doofer himself is innocent but maybe the artifact is being aimed at him. He says the only thing he did different today was getting his fortune told. The teller asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted to become a knight and win the hand of a princess. She says he must become a hero and the cards will show the way. They go to see the fortune teller. She says she hasn't cursed anyone in years. She says she didn't read the cards for the doofer. They bag the cards but they aren't an artifact.
The teller takes off and they chase her. As they do they race across a human chess board and the real fortune teller attacks them, dressed as the queen chess piece. And as Pete tries to grab her, the queen disappears. The crowd is again impressed.
Claire is amazed that coffee has gotten really expensive. She's impressed Claudia plays in front of people. Claire asks her to play for her. Claudia asks her to sing with her. They sing "When I Grow Up" by Garbage and we flash back to them as kids playing guitar and singing together. Claire jumps in the second verse and even rocks some harmony. The little crowd there is impressed.
Myka is still grousing around Artie and the artifacts, upsetting the balance of the artifacts. She grouses about being stuck in South Dakota and asks how many times she's been whammied. She gets angry and he sees the flash in her eyes and notes she's been whammied again. She starts to blow her top.
They catch up with the fortune teller and find out that the girl from the drunk tank accidentally put the whammy on him to help him become a knight because she has a crush on him and used an artifact deck. They neutralize the deck. But the fortune teller says the cards have already been dealt and he says he either has to be a hero or die, those are his only two choices. But since Steve and Pete keep saving people from the whammy, they're obstructing the doofer from being a hero. So now he has to win the jousting. Pete is impressed the girl who likes him is willing to help win the princess since she's not the princess. She says when you love someone you want them to be happy even if it isn't with you. Pete says he will help the doofer.
Myka is still freaking out and Artie is trying to talk to her down as artifacts go flying. He flashes back to Claire and the music box and realizes that's what's in Myka. He shoots her with a tranquilizer gun and that makes her angrier and she starts to levitate and begin the tornados swirl.
The tournament beings and the doofer is suited up as a knight. Pete and Steve giving him a pep talk because he's very nervous. His opponent a supernatural hell demon rides up on a horse, this is the doofer's last chance to prove he's a hero. He dismounts and starts swinging a sword. Steve pushes the doofer into battle where his weapons are easily batted away by the demon. The doofer runs and says nothing is worth this not even the princess. The girl from the drunk runs up to the demon who says he will take her instead. The doofer enraged that the girl who likes him is being threatened runs back and runs his sword through the demon and vanquishes him. The crowd cheers and he hugs the girl.
Claire and Claudia return singing and laughing and Claire says she wants to know everything that happened while she was sleeping. She tells them that their parents are dead, died in the accident that put her in the coma. Claire starts to remember and says she saw the crash so she couldn't have been in the car. Claudia says it's complicated. Just then Artie calls on the Phylo and shows Claudia Myka swirling in her vortex. She and Claire arrive and explain and Claudia apologizes. Artie is angry and says he already thought of the bus transfer/biscuit barrel combo but the energy has to be transferred into a living being and if she had just asked him he would've told her that. He has a plan.
He sends Claudia and Claire in as a distraction and disables Myka with an artifact. He says there's only a few minutes. Claudia says Artie can't put Myka in a coma. Claire says she will go back, she remembers everything and understands. Claudia offers to go herself. Claire insists and thanks Claudia for this day and is glad she got this one day and she loves her and she's counting on her to fix all of this. They transfer the energy back into Claire and put her back in the coma at the Regent Chatelet. She says goodbye to Claudia by singing the Garbage song and Claudia joins in, she tearfully tells Claire she'll find a way to solve this conundrum.
At the Ren Faire the doofer is knighted and he's won the hand of the princess but he turns her down in favor of the dunk tank girl. Pete admits he asked the girl to run into the ring because the doofer would save someone he really cared about. Pete goes to soothe the scorned princess who turns out to be pretty but awful.
Back at the Warehouse Artie shows Claudia all of the work he's been doing over the last 15 years trying to solve the Claire problem. He apologizes for not telling her all these years but he was trying to keep her from getting hurt. Claudia goes to hug him but he won't let her because he says it will make him cry. Myka is also touched. Artie says from now on they do everything together and nobody has to go through anything alone ever. Myka hugs him and he cries.
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