Dawn French: Geraldine Kennedy

Quotes 

• Geraldine Kennedy : I have the most wonderful news.

  Hugo Horton : Oh, might it involve Fiona Bruce naked?

  Geraldine Kennedy : No.

  Jim Trott : So, not *the* most wonderful news.

  Owen Newitt : Holly Willoughby naked?

  Frank Pickle : Owen naked?

• Owen Newitt : I just bought a sexy pig the other day called Meredith.

  Geraldine Kennedy : No, I said sexist pig, Owen, not sexy pig. I thought it was just Frank that was deaf.

  Frank Pickle : I'm dead? That explains it.

• Jim Trott : No no no the proudest moment of my life was when Joan Keelam agreed to take me as her husband. Which was followed very swiftly by the least proud moment of my life when she turned out to be a man.

  Hugo Horton : What about you, Owen? What's your proudest moment?

  Owen Newitt : Oh definitely, November the 19th, 1998. That was the day you kissed me, Vicar. Well, I know now it was a kiss given out of pity, but it remains the only act of love I've ever received from another human being. The animals do their best, but it's never quite the same.

  Geraldine Kennedy : Right, well thank you very much, Owen.

  Owen Newitt : I haven't brushed my teeth from that day till this, so I can still taste it.

• Geraldine Kennedy : Who was it that said, "We may have lost today, but tomorrow belongs to us"?

  David Horton : I think it was the Hitler youth.

  Geraldine Kennedy : Okay, bad example.

• Hugo Horton : One thing that worries me i-if we win...

  Geraldine Kennedy : What?

  Hugo Horton : Well, you know there used to be this joke when you... when you said something rude, you could say 'As the actress said to the Bishop'.

  David Horton : Oh yes, I love that joke! "Those are larger than I expected!"

  Hugo Horton : As the actress said to the Bishop!

  Owen Newitt : "Would you like to have rough sex with me?"

  Hugo Horton : As the actress said to the... no Owen, no. No, it's meant to be when she *didn't* mean to say something sexy.

  Owen Newitt : Oh, right. I see.

• Geraldine Kennedy : So the laity - which is you lot - get to vote on the most important day for the Church since Channel 4 commissioned Father Ted! Now, obviously this is your vote and I don't want to influence you in any way, but I would ask you to consider both the argument *for* women bishops - that's *for* women bishops...

  [Gives a double thumbs up] 

  Geraldine Kennedy : and also you should look carefully at the bollocks masquerading as an argument *against* women bishops.

  [Gives a double thumbs down] 

  Hugo Horton : Right. Well, th-th-that's very... even handed of you, Vicar. Couldn't you give us a little hint about which way you think...

  Geraldine Kennedy : I go *for* women bishops.

  [Hugo nods] 

  Geraldine Kennedy : Bradley.

  Owen Newitt : Interesting, because I was inclining towards the bollocks.

  Frank Pickle : I'm always inclined towards the...

  [Geraldine cuts him off] 

• Anglican Priest : I think it'll be close.

  Geraldine Kennedy : Hmm...

  [Steps right up against him] 

  Geraldine Kennedy : I... *like* close.

  Anglican Priest : Well, yes. As long as it turns out alright on the night.

  Geraldine Kennedy : Oh, it'll turn out alright on the night I think.

  Anglican Priest : I'm talking about the vote.

  Geraldine Kennedy : So am I - you horny little minx!