- Troy Barnes: [Asking LeVar Burton questions] Why didn't they call it Planet Trek? You never visited one star. Not in any episode.
- Abed Nadir: Okay, we'll go into the vents. They'll never find us there.
- Troy Barnes: I say we take a stand here. I mean, someone's gotta win sometime.
- Abed Nadir: Not if we never kill each other. Then we can play forever.
- Troy Barnes: Right! Wait, Abed, the floor can't be lava forever. The game's got to end.
- Abed Nadir: It's not a game for me, Troy. I'm seeing real lava because you're leaving. It's embarrassing and I don't want to be crazy, but I am crazy, so... I made a game that made you and everyone else see what I see.
- [They both look down on the floor, where lava is bubbling]
- Abed Nadir: I don't want it to be there either, I swear. I want you to be able to leave, but I don't think the lava goes away until you stop leaving.
- Troy Barnes: So the only way I can help you is by giving up my chance to... be one person?
- Troy Barnes: [Whispers] I'm better at sex than Jeff, right?
- Britta Perry: I've yet to have anyone worse.
- Abed Nadir: Clone Troy.
- Troy Barnes: Clone Abed.
- Abed Nadir: By the way, when I cloned you, I had to patch some missing parts of your DNA with genes from a homing pigeon. You may notice side effects, like the compulsion to come back.
- Troy Barnes: Cool. Clone hug?
- Shirley Bennett: [about Britta] Why did you think she was dead?
- Troy Barnes: We kind of left her.
- Annie Edison: Left her for dead?
- Abed Nadir: Sounds bad when you put it that way. Can you put it a way that sounds good?
- Professor Buzz Hickey: They abandoned you? This game's doing bad things to people. Now me, I'm just in it for the money. My son's getting gay married. The flowers alone, you have no idea.
- Britta Perry: [Sad, understanding] I get it. I lived in New York.
- Annie Edison: All I ever wanted in high-school was for Troy Barnes to notice me, then I ended up living with you. I'm pretty lucky.
- Troy Barnes: I'm not. I had a chance to be your friend in high-school, but I was too busy trying to be cool. I missed out on four more years of Annie.
- Troy Barnes: [after abandoning Britta during the Lava game] Sorry Britta, Abed knows best. But I'll always remember you as kind of slowing us down and complaining a lot.
- Professor Ian Duncan: You stay back, Britta! I'm not afraid to push a girl into make-believe lava. In fact, it's been my primary strategy.
- Britta Perry: I'm staying in the game, so I can talk to Abed. I'm worried about him.
- Professor Ian Duncan: What I'm worried about is money. My self-published novels aren't going to publish themselves.
- Britta Perry: Don't regress to primal behavior just because it's allowed. We're human beings not the editors of Teen Vogue. They're setting a terrible example for today's young women.
- Professor Ian Duncan: Well, I'm sorry Britta, but it's either you or me... And I'm ME.
- Britta Perry: Do you think this game's gotten a little out of hand?
- Jeff Winger: Eh, feels normal enough for a school that's on 911's blocked caller list. And I like that Abed wanted to send Troy off in a cool way.
- Britta Perry: Send him off or put off sending him? I think this imaginary lava might symbolize Abed's fear of change.
- Jeff Winger: I think that diagnosis symbolizes your lack of a psych degree.
- Shirley Bennett: Friends! Welcome to Shirley Island, where all your dreams come true. If you dream of standing on a table and pissing in a jar.
- Abed Nadir: It's down to us. You or Britta will be the winner.
- Troy Barnes: I'm not leaving, okay? Just... I promise. Just... the floor's not lava now. Just give me your hand.
- Abed Nadir: I don't think the lava's here because you're leaving. I think it's here because I won't let go. Sorry. Bye.
- [He lets go]
- Garrett: [Narrating a story to kids on Shirley Island] Then came the now-now times. When the floors were covered with the burny touch.
- Professor Ian Duncan: [Jeff causes Duncan to fall on the floor] Real nice, Winger. This is why the English never win any sports. 'Cause everyone else cheats!
- Britta Perry: He's not really dead.
- Troy Barnes: No, but he's really playing dead, and he's not gonna stop. Here.
- [He gives her the comic book]
- Troy Barnes: Congratulations, you win. You don't get it. No one gets Abed. I got him a little. This is my fault. I don't deserve to fake live.