- Morty: You're missing the point, Dad... I don't want girls. I want Jessica!
- Jerry: Ah, well... I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "your mom". And that's not an urban diss-your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought...
- Rick: [opens cupboard] "I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me."
- Jerry: I beg your pardon, Rick. Inappropriate.
- Rick: [rummages freezer and fridge] Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you wanna take romantic advice from this guy, Morty. His marriage is hanging from a thread.
- Jerry: My marriage is FINE, thank you.
- Rick: Jerry, it's your house. Whatever you say it is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.
- Morty: C'mon, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that!
- Rick: Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
- Principal Vagina: Tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but if you have the flu, stay home. The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. You don't bring dead babies to Passover.
- Flu Hatin' Rapper: I love Morty, and I hope Morty loves me. I'd like to wrap my arms around him and feel him inside me.
- TV Character1: TV Character1: "I had sex with Billy."
- TV Character2: TV Character2: "But you were already pregnant!"
- TV Character1: TV Character1: "Yeah, but what's the worst that could happen?"
- Female Mantis Reporter: Female Mantis Reporter:
- [Voice and news channel slogan appear]
- Female Mantis Reporter: "We interrupt pregnant baby with breaking news."
- Summer Smith: Summer: "Uh, come on!"
- Female Mantis Reporter: Female Mantis Reporter:
- [Two reporters that look like bizarre praying mantis people are behind a news desk]
- Female Mantis Reporter: "This just in: Morty Smith's whereabouts are still unknown."
- Summer Smith: Summer: "What. The *hell.*
- Female Mantis Reporter: Female Mantis Reporter: "The only thing that is known is...
- [Affectionately]
- Female Mantis Reporter: How cute he is."
- Male Mantis Reporter: Male Mantis Reporter: "I love him so much I... want to make to love to him and then *eat* his head. Hmm."
- Female Mantis Reporter: Female Mantis Reporter:
- [Aggressively]
- Female Mantis Reporter: "I love him more than you do Harold!"
- Male Mantis Reporter: Male Mantis Reporter:
- [Stands up and screams]
- Male Mantis Reporter: "You wish you stupid *bitch!*"
- Rick: Rick: We're gonna be fine, Morty, relax. I whipped up an antidote. It's based on praying mantis DNA. You know, praying mantis's are the exact opposite of voles, Morty. They mate once and then, you know, they decapitate the partner, it's, it's a whole ritual, it's totally gruesome and totally opposite... there's no love at all... I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus, it should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. It'll all be over very shortly.
- [Flies over crowd screaming for Morty, dropping the chemical]
- Rick: Rick: "By the way, I know you didn't ask or anything, but I'm not interested in having sex with you. These serums don't work on anyone related to you genetically.
- [the crowd pauses, silent. Suddenly there's screaming, and many of them begin turning into crazy praying mantis monsters, including Jessica]
- Rick: Rick: Okay, well, sometimes science is more art than science Morty. A lot of people don't realize that.