Golan the Insatiable (TV Series)

Ragin' Fun (2013)

Mary Mack: Dylan Beekler

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Golan presses buttons on remote, causing TiVo sound effects] 

  Golan : I don't understand! Where are my Top Chefs?

  Dylan Beekler : You probably didn't even record it.

  Golan : Yes I did! I have a Season Pass!

  Dylan Beekler : [grabs remote]  Give me that!

  Golan : Don't grab!

  Dylan Beekler : [punches buttons]  See? Look. You've got a Season Pass for Top Chef: *Seattle*. But it's in a different city this year, so it's a different name.

  Golan : But it's the same show! It's like they don't even want you to watch the new season! Give it. Oh, fine, let's just watch live television like poor people.

• Golan : Uh, hey, so I, uh, took the liberty of putting his penis in my drink-tar and filling it up with ice, so... here you go.

  EMT : What? He's not missing his penis.

  Golan : Huh. Then whose penis *is* this?

  EMT : I don't know.

  Golan : [frustrated shout]  You're right, Dylan. This place is *gross*.

  Dylan Beekler : So I guess you *do* care if I live or die.

  Golan : No I don't!

  Dylan Beekler : Then why'd you paralyze Keith with a brick?

  Golan : 'Cause I - oh, shut up!

  Golan : [to a little boy]  Hey, here you go, big guy, a free drink-tar. Don't worry, there's no penis in it.

  [boy drinks] 

• [last lines] 

  Richard : [with air quotes]  I guess Keith wasn't such a "bad boy" after all.

  Richard , Golan , Carole Beekler : [laughter] 

  Golan : Yeah, I don't think you can fit "I may or may not wake up from this coma" on a vanity plate.

  Richard , Golan , Carole Beekler , Dylan Beekler : [laughter] 

  Richard : Oh, Golan!

  Golan : But in all seriousness, we're really pulling for the guy, Alexis.

  Alexis Beekler : Oh, shut up, Golan! You're all crazy!