The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Table Polarization (2014)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : Amy? Amy? Amy? I'll get right to the point. I think we need to end this relationship - so just sign this with your finger and please don't cry on my iPad because I don't get Apple Care.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm not surprised you want to end the relationship. I'm just a little surprised you didn't get Apple Care. Anyway, enjoy your life. Where do I sign?

  Sheldon Cooper : At the bottom. I must say I'm relieved you're not making more of a scene out of this.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, I've already moved on. Besides the breakup has nothing to do with me.

  Sheldon Cooper : What. It doesn't?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : OF course not. This is just Leonard trying to take the focus off that dreadful table by sowing discord in our relationship. He's manipulating you like he always does.

  Sheldon Cooper : Wait. Wait. Now hang on. You think he's manipulating me?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : All the time. And he knew that as your girlfriend, I wasn't gonna to stand by and let him bring a table into your apartment. I mean a table? Come on.

  Sheldon Cooper : It is hideous.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, thankfully, I won't have to see it 'cause I won't be your girlfriend anymore.

  [Signs] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Amy Farah Fowler. Why yes, I would like to take a survey.

  Sheldon Cooper : Wait. You were really gonna stand by me against the dining room table?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Of course I was.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, wait. I do I know you're not manipulating me right now?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I would think that if I'm manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it.

  Sheldon Cooper : How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I think you're smart enough to see that too.

  Sheldon Cooper : Okay. I'm sorry i gave you such a hard time. I just had to be sure.

  [Amy turns away and smiles] 

• Sheldon Cooper : Think of me as Arthur Dent In Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy lying in front of the bulldozers protecting his home.

  Leonard Hofstadter : If you recall, the Vogon Fleet blew up the earth anyway.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's a made up story, Leonard. I don't even know why you're talking about it.

• Penny : Hi. Sorry I'm late. I was at an audition.

  Howard Wolowitz : Ahh.

  Sheldon Cooper : You'll get 'em next time.

  Penny : How about instead of assuming I failed, you ask me how it went?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sorry. How did it go?

  Penny : Just shut up.

• Leonard Hofstadter : This spot that no one else can sit in only exists because despite your objections I bought this couch. Me. So explain why that change is bad and this change was good.

  Sheldon Cooper : Um.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : You don't need to explain yourself to him.

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't need to explain myself to you.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : You're sick of his nonsense and ready to move in with me.

  Sheldon Cooper : Keep the table. We don't use that space.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Damn it, I got cocky.

• Sheldon Cooper : OK. I think we found the problem here. It's not the table at all. It's you.

  Penny : Me?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well. It's always me. Take one for the team.

  Sheldon Cooper : I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will and then you came along and reshaped him with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.

  Penny : Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?

  Leonard Hofstadter : "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.

  Penny : OK, I have not tried to change Leonard. That is just happens in relationships. Look how much Amy has changed you.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's not true.

  Penny : Oh sweetie. When I first met you were incapable of touching another human being. Now you're holding holds, going on dates, you even made out with her on a train.

  Leonard Hofstadter : She told you?

  Penny : Of courses she told me. It's the most interesting thing that happened to her entire life.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You're too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on you.

  Sheldon Cooper : You're right. Without realizing I allowed that woman to alter my personality.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Mmm. You didn't have a personality; you just had some shows you liked.

  Sheldon Cooper : No. No, I've changed. Like the frog that's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.

  Penny : Or you're the frog that's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Or you're just a tall annoying frog.

  Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me. I have to break up with my girlfriend.

  Penny : Oh, Sheldon. Wait.

  Sheldon Cooper : No. You've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate open-minded person. And that stops now.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, we should call her.

  Penny : Yeah. Amy. It's Penny. Hey. Just a little heads up. Leonard bought a dining room table. Yeah. Sheldon's breaking up with you.

• Sheldon Cooper : Well. Is this really worth it? We've lived together for years with nary an argument.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Huh?

  Sheldon Cooper : But we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Nary an argument"? "Nary"?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well that means "not on" or "not any". Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary. Well, I don't know if I won that, but at least he's upset.