Don Verdean (2015)

Jemaine Clement: Boaz

Photos 

Quotes 

• Boaz : I want to come to the States. I want to live the American Dream for a while. And get a Pontiac. And I want the Levi's jeans, acid wash, super taper. Like John Stamos.

  [sighs] 

  Boaz : I want a wife, Don. I'm lonely here. She has to be gentle and sweet and hot like stripper.

• Boaz : So, Carol, I've been meaning to ask you since I met you what qualities are you looking for in a mate?

  Carol Jensen : Oh, um...

  [nervous chuckle] 

  Carol Jensen : I'm sorry, Boaz, I was under the impression you had some questions about Jesus of Nazareth.

  Boaz : Oh, yeah. What is it that you like about that guy?

• Boaz : There are a lot of rocks out there, Don. They all look the same. How do I know which one is the one?

  Don Verdean : Well, it can't be that hard. We need the one with breasts.

  Boaz : Oh, the breasts. Okay, that one.

  [laughs] 

  Boaz : Oh, yeah. There's one big white rock, and it has breasts on it.

• Boaz : [in prison exercise room]  I made you something. Check it out.

  [opens The Torah] 

  Boaz : It's a toothbrush/shiv. This part can brush your teeth, this part is a knife. Brush, stab. Brush, stab. Take it, Don, I made this one for you. It's okay, I've got another one in my butt crack.